How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text
You’re a pretty good texter, but sometimes you like a guy too much and bam! Your texting gets sloppy and you start sabotaging things. Maybe he’s driving you crazy because he’s not paying much attention—it takes him forever to respond and he’s not that flirty. Or maybe he pays attention but he never asks you out. It doesn’t matter because…
I’m going to show you how to text things he’s never heard from another woman, how to have him ask you out with only a couple of texts, and how to get that distant guy to pay attention to you. I’m going to show you what to do and what to avoid, how to create and maintain attraction, how to tease effectively, how to craft witty responses, how to increase engagement and how to entertain and challenge men.
After hosting HBO’s The Sex Inspectors, writing nationally syndicated sex and dating advice columns, and publishing several books on how to meet, attract and date beautiful men, I can tell you that these are the 3 most important texting skills:
Know What To Say
Ask interesting questions. “How are you?” isn’t interesting. “Tell me five things about you, four of them true” is. Be interesting. You also need to know what to do if the texting goes drier than a popcorn fart. For that you need fun, conversational starters (icebreakers). I’m going to show you a list of zany icebreakers that’ll totally get his attention.
Know How To Say It
Be steady but unpredictable–funny one moment, thoughtful another. You’ll come across as funny and well rounded. You also need to know when to send it. Timing is a message. It communicates as loudly as what you type. How long should you wait to initiate or respond? I’m going to tell you.
Know How To Turn It Around
He’s taking forever to text you back? Use my “unclogger” techniques. He texts but never asks you out? I’ll show you easy ways to fix it. It’s also important to know how to spot jerks before you get too far in, how to deal with indecisive guys, and turning his ambivalence into passion. I’m going to show you how to fix them all in my guide to texting! It’s a PDF that instantly downloads to your pc, Mac, tablet or smartphone so you can start reading it immediately after you order.
What You Need Is A Plan
A blueprint. A step-by-step guide to texting guys so that they’re dying to ask you out. Something that shows you amazing texting techniques that make you irresistible to beautiful guys. This is the only flirty texting ebook filled the secrets of text seduction. After years of perfecting my method – and helping others around the world through my HBO TV Series and dating advice columns – I can guarantee that you won’t find this kind of information in any other book. Whether you’re looking for attention, a date or a boyfriend, the first step is figuring out how the male mind works and how it best responds.
Take A Look At My 9 Step Method:
GET SHY GUYS TO ASK FOR YOUR NUMBER.
You can’ t text him unless he gets your number. Some guys are too shy to ask so I’ m going to show you 7 Clever Ways To Get Him To Ask You For Your Number. Here’ s a great example…
You: Let me see your phone a sec.
You: I want to take a picture of you so you can send it to me. (takepic)
Him: Cool. What’ s your number?
Click on P. 15-20. to see more clever tactics.
TURN DISTANT GUYS INTO PASSIONATE DATES.
Start by making him smile and look forward to your fun, quirky texts. Example: “Do you think naming two puppies Millie and Vanilli is a little over the top? Learn the 10 Commandments To Texting Distant Guys. You’ ll have him panting for your next text and wanting to hang out with you in no time. It’ s all on page 28-45.
GET GUYS TO PURSUE YOU.
Learn how to give a guy that same feeling of “I have to have her” that he gets when he sees a famous model. Do it by amping up the attraction through the timing and the expressions of your texts. Check the “Text Timing Chart” –it shows you how long to wait before responding, depending on the situation (sometimes it’ s hours and days; other times it’ s right away). You’ ll also see dozens of sample text dialogs showing how to ramp up romantic tension. P. 41-54.
SAY SOMETHING CLEVER.
What can you say to somebody that won’t sound cheesy or an awkward, try-hard attempt to sound cool? Learn the 7 biggest mistakes most girls make when trying to keep up a text thread. (And how to avoid them). Try my long list of irresistible, witty texts. They’ll capture the imagination, stir curiosity and set the stage for a real connection. Use them TONIGHT. They’re all on P. 55-75.
Discover the most powerful approaches to getting him interested in you. They’ re GUARANTEED to make him look at you and think, “Tonight just got more interesting.” They’ re fun to do, they put a smile on his face and best of all, they’ ve been field tested with hundreds of guys! These flirty texting tips are all on P. 76-82.
TURN HIS TEXTS INTO CALLS.
Don’ t let him ‘ texturbate!” That’ s when he spends more time texting than talking. You’ re worth a phone call. Find out the 5 ways you can get him to call if he doesn’ t do it on his own. What are they? Check it out on P. 31-36.
WHAT TO SAY ON THAT FIRST PHONE CALL.
Let’ s face it, that first phone call is going to be a little awkward. I’ll show you how to prevent ‘conversation stalling” and awkward silences by using the “Multiple Threads” concept. By talking in a way that creates mild suspense, you’ll create energy, rapport and the feeling that you have a lot to talk about. For example, you can rephrase boring questions into interesting comments. Boring: “How many brothers and sisters do you have?” Interesting: “I bet you’ re the youngest in your family.” You’ ll also learn an amazing body language trick that projects warmth, confidence and sexiness over the phone. It’s all on P. 47-70.
POST-DATE TEXTING THAT’ LL HEAT UP THE SEXUAL AND ROMANTIC TENSION.
If the date went well, turn on the text charm with flirty text messages like this one:
Likely reply: “Stop what?”
You: “Stop thinking about me. See, you’ re doing it…right…now.
If the date didn’t go well (damn, girl, what did you do—tweet through dinner?!) and you want another shot, you’ ll see plenty of “redemption texting” examples. If he was so boring at dinner the corn on the cob covered its ears, you’ ll find great examples of how to turn him down or turn him into a friend. It’ s all on P. 112-115.
IF YOU’ RE ONLY IN IT FOR THE SEX.
Let’ s face it, some guys are doable but not dateable. If he’ s on the same page it won’ t be hard to make him a regular sex thang. But how do you turn a guy who wants to date you into a “friend with benefits?” By turning to P. 85-95.
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MAKE HIM LAUGH
Funny, flirty texts are the best way to get guys to pursue you and create attraction. This guide will show you how to rock it!
MAKE HIM THINK
It’ll set you apart from the competition. The texting ideas in this book will make you look like a peacock among common poultry!
MAKE HIM WANT YOU
This guide will help you accelerate the romantic and sexual tension so that it results in him BEGGING you to go out with him.
FREE! Comes With $30 Worth of e-Reports!
300+ funny, pre-written flirty texts. Hand-picked by our team of writers & researchers. No clichés or pickup lines!
Learn how to assume rapport, use call back humor and flirting techniques that only work on email.
Ingenius poking tactics, get HIM to start a convo, and Facebook-specific flirting lines you can use tonight!
Or Buy It Here…
The author on the set with Greg Behrendt and Tyra Banks.
I started my career when an editor approached me about writing an irreverent sex advice column. I thought, “Awesome! Send me your cutest employees and I’ll get started!” We syndicated the column all over the country and I sort of became known as the “East Coast Dan Savage.” I then went on to write my first book, Men Are Pigs But We Love Bacon (Kensington).
Next thing I knew I was auditioning for a co-hosting role in a sex makeover series called The Sex Inspectors.
With the screen test cameras rolling, I remember the production chief asking me what I thought of women faking their orgasms. “That’s nothing,” I sniffed. “Men fake whole relationships.”
I got the job.
The show went on to be an international hit, airing in 12 countries, including the U.S. on HBO. It led to my biggest book yet, Sex Inspectors Master Class: How To Have An Amazing Sex Life (Penguin).
I love giving advice to people. I love to see barriers crack and humanity come to the surface. I hope I’m able to do that with Sex Up Your Texts and hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
. . .
Read More About How To Be A Flirty Texts Queen.
Want to take a sneak peek at some of the chapters in my book? Just click the tabs on the left and you’ll see excerpts from each chapter so you can get a sense of the content and style. I like to bootleg a lot of facts and insights into funny narratives. My goal is to teach you something while making you laugh. And if I fail, well, that’s what the 30 day money back guarantee is for!
Get A Better Love Life For The Price Of A Few Drinks!
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Chapter 2: What To Do When He’s Not That Into You”
He’s Not That Into You
Oh. Oh. Time For A Charm Offensive
Congratulations! He’s got your phone number. But it was…kind of awkward. You talked for a good twenty minutes at the bar/party/social event, but you noticed he wasn’t fully present. He did ask you for your number but there wasn’t much energy behind the ask. The good news is that he texted you. The bad news is that he waited three days to do it and wrote one word: “ Sup.”
Here’s what’s happening: He’ s ambivalent. For whatever unknown reason, he likes you but not enough to put any oomph behind getting together. Please note the phrase “ unknown reason.” The truth is you don’ t know why he’s ambivalent. It could be that he’ s just not that into you (ouch! I know that hurts, but welcome to Planet Unfair). But it could also be circumstances that have nothing to do with you (he’ s currently dating somebody or he’ s got an ex-girlfriend he can’ t get over, for example). It could even be that he’ s socially clueless and that’s how he shows women he likes them (wow, you know how to pick them!)
Don’t awfulize his ambivalence. It doesn’t mean you’ re not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, funny enough or whatever enough. It is what it is and what it is can be turned around with the Eleven Rules Of Texting The Ambivalent.
1. Wait Two Days Before You Text.
Think of testicles: One is too few and three is too many. You don’ t want to send a testicle, er, text, to soon because, hello, he’ s not that into you. He’ s expecting you to text right away because he can sense that you want him more than he wants you. Two days is the perfect time to wait—it shows him you have a life and that you too may be ambivalent about him.
2. Do NOT send an open-ended text.
Here’s the very worst one you can send:
“Hey, what’s up?”
You will just get the obvious, socially programmed response of “Not much, how about you?” This is an interview question, and will bore the hell out of your crush. In fact, you may as well have texted:
“Would you mind coming up with something interesting to say because I’m so boring the plaster peels off the wall when I talk to it.”
Not only are you announcing that you’ve got the personality of a Kansas zip code, you’re leaving him in the awkward situation of being the only party creating value in the conversation. You should demand value from guys but you should also deliver it. You both have the same job: To put a smile on each other’s faces. The best way to do that is to learn how to…
Chapter 3: Building Romantic & Sexual Tension
Building Romantic & Sexual Tension
Moving your texting relationship from Bing to BANG starts with knowing that there’ s a mutual attraction. It could be, as in the last chapter, that you turned his ambivalence or hesitation around. Or maybe you hit it off from the moment you met him at a party/coffeehouse/bar/social event. Maybe the conversation came easy, he laughed at your jokes and he got your number faster than a hungry woodpecker.
So what’s next? Raise your hand if you said, “ Ask him to send pictures of his junk.” Now slap yourself with that hand. It’s time to get to work! Your ultimate goal is a date or a hookup but that’s going to be hard to do without amplifying the sexual and romantic tension. For the purposes of this chapter I’m going to assume that you want to actually go out with the guy you’re texting, not just do the No Pants Dance with him. So, let’s take a look at…
The First Step To Building Sexual & Romantic Tension: Establishing Comfort. Comfort is a two way street. His job is to assure you that hanging out with him isn’t going to land your face in the back of a milk carton. Your job is to make him feel like he won’t have to keep changing his tires because you’re a Stage Five Clinger who keeps slashing them.
Never hang out with guys that make you feel uncomfortable. EVER. It doesn’t matter that you hit it off great when you first met. If he goes all pervy in his text threads drop him like a men’s room toilet seat.
We actually talked a lot about creating comfort in the last chapter. It basically involves you coming across as a confident, somewhat edgy chick with a good sense of humor. One of the fastest ways to establish comfort is to ask his advice– with a twist of funny.
I’m at the mall trying on different perfumes. Here, sniff. Do you like the one on my right wrist or left?
OMG, my friend’s breath is so bad I’ve lost my short-term memory. Should I tell her?
Tailor your humor to his personality. For example if he likes cutesie stuff try this:
You: “This cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat goofball cat busy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat!”
You: Read it without saying cat!
If he prefers his texts on the peppery side, try this:
Hello, you have reached — OH SHIT SHIT GODDAM FUCKING SHIT! — The Tourette Helpline.
For more ideas, see the last chapter of this book where I’ve posted hundreds of witty texts you can send and call your own. The point is to create laughter to create comfort. Once you’ ve exchanged a few texts and established that you are not a tire slasher, it’s time to…
Chapter 4: Turn His Texts Into Calls
Don’t Texturbate! Turn A Text Into A Call
Texturbating means you’re spending more time with your phone than with him. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that you can get to know a guy by texting, or that things are going well because your typing styles match. It’ s not true. He is artfully creating a personality for himself that’ s about as far removed from reality as your own nebulous e-personality.
Texting is a means to an end (namely his). You didn’ t give him your number to find a fourth for Mahjongg. You gave it to him because you want to hang out or hook up. The only way that’ s going to happen is if he asks you out. And the only way that’s going to happen is if you make it easy for him to do it. I rarely make global pronouncements about dating because every situation is different but hear me out on this one:
Do not go out with a guy who asks you out over a text unless you know him well.
I want to throw a few stats out to make my point:
- 15% of women have either been raped or suffered through an attempted rape.
- 57% of rapes occur on a date.
- 33% of women have been sexually harassed.
I don’t mean to spray buzz kill over your romantic fantasies but I care about you. I know I don’t know you but you’re somebody’s daughter and somebody’s sister. I love my sisters and I love my mom. I don’t want any harm coming to them and I don’t want any harm coming to you.
This is what you should be thinking if he asks you out over a text: “Do I know…”
Chapter 5: What To Say In That First Phone Call
What To Say In That First Phone Call
It’s natural to be nervous so have a plan. Know what you’re going to say before you pick up the phone. Preparation will eliminate awkward silences and propel you into a fun, engaging conversation.
Here’s how you prepare: Think back to the subjects that you joked about and bring it up. Let’s say he was teasing you about those big hoop earrings you were wearing the fateful night you met:
Ring, ring, ring….
Him: Hi, it’s Steve. What’s going on?
You: Hi! I’m still wearing those earrings you tried to do the hoola hoop in the other night.
Him: Awesome! I feel like dancing again. Hold the earrings up to the phone.
Contrast the energy and vibe of that opening phone call with:
“Hi, how are you?”
Point made. Always open with something cheeky or flirty that was specific to the interaction you first had. His mind will immediately go back to the fun interaction you shared and bam! You’ ve put him in the kind of positive emotional state that will move the conversation forward.
A Body Language Trick That Works Over The Phone.
I’ve got a neat trick I want to share with you, courtesy of nonverbal communication researchers. But first you should know something important about body language. It doesn’t just reflect your inner emotions, it changes them. Don’ t take my word for it; test it. Cross your arms against your chest. What do you notice? After a few minutes, you’ll get quieter, more introspective and less likely to smile or laugh. It’s the body’s built-in feedback loop—‘bad mood’ body positions result in bad moods, period. It works the other way around, too. Smile, uncross your arms and keep your palms open for a couple of minutes. Hmm. Is that your spirit lifting or are you just looking forward to your crush calling you?
So how does this apply to your phone call? If you’re nervous about making a phone call, do this:
Chapter 6: Post-Date Texting: If The Date Went Well
Post-Date Texting: If The Date Went Well And You Want Another One
Congratulations! The date went well, the conversation was easy and you both know there’s a second date in the works. First things first: The all-important post-date text! This is a crucial and necessary action after every date. It’s easy to pull off well and just as easy to screw up, so here are a few pointers:
Do not text him before you get back to your house. Do not send approval-seeking texts like, “ Did you have a good time?” Do not drop hints about going out again. Doing any of these things is like putting up a billboard in front of his house that says, “ I’ m The Girl You’ re Never Going To Get Rid Of!” Here are some great examples of what not to do:
You: I think I’m in love.
You: You make me so happy!
You: What do you want to name our first child?
These texts would make your chances for a second date fall faster than Marie Antoinette’ s guillotine. Keep the post-date text simple. Send him a text the next day and either reference something that happened on the date or say something funny. Let’ s say the waiter was slow as molasses.
You: I had a great time. I feel sorry for anybody who has an accident and gets our waiter as the EMT. They might as well call a priest for the last rites!
You’ve had a shared experience that only you two took part in, and commenting on it helps create a unique bond. You could also bust on him about something that obviously didn’t happen, like:
You: I saw you write something down for the waiter. It better not have been your number!
Just make sure to get in and get out. Don’t feel the need to start a long text thread. I mean, it’ s fine if he does, but that shouldn’t be your goal. You’ ll come back for that in due time. Let. Things. Breathe. You want to land in a solid space between desperate and indifferent. It’s called, “Interested.”
If he’s not terribly available because he travels or deals with work issues that take up a lot of his time you may end up texting a good bit before the next date. If so, it’ s okay to send in check-in texts. But don’t ask him how he’s doing. I know you actually do care about it, but it’s not a very interesting question to ask over text.
You: How has your week been?
See? There’ s not much you can do with that. In fact, all you’ll do is generate a programmed response like, “Good, how was yours?” And there you go again, being so boring he’ ll start naming his yawns after hurricanes. Only go this route if you’re confident he’s into you as much as you are into him (because at that point, it doesn’t really matter what you text as long as you’re not being a jerkette).
So what should you write in the check-in text? Anything that will make him smile and take his mind off the daily grind. Like…
Chapter 7: Post-Date Texting: If The Date Didn’t Go Well
Post-Date Texting: If The Date Did Not Go Well, But You Want Another
Christ, what did you do? Show up with your mom? A bad or awkward first date is touchy territory. You know things didn’t go well, and you’re sure he felt the same. But you’re still interested in him. Maybe it was all your fault. You got too drunk. Or you turned into the MVP of TMI. Or you questioned his career choice/religion/reason for living. Bottom line: You blew it but want a second shot.
The first thing you have to do is address your faux pas. Don’t gloss it over. If you don’t acknowledge what you did wrong he won’t just think you’ re a bitch/clinger/whatever. He’ ll think you’re an unaware bitch/clinger/whatever. Bring it up in a humorous way. Fall on the grenade and give him a chance to laugh at you, not with you.
Did you inadvertently criticize his appearance?
You: Did I actually say you looked good for your age? That was the wine getting my tongue drunk. For the record, I think you’re gorgeous, period.
Or did you…
Chapter 8: If You Don’t Want To See Him Again But He Does
If The Date Didn’t Go Well And You Don’t Want Another—But He Does
This is tricky stuff. On the one hand, not sending him a post-date text is hurtful if not downright rude. On the other hand, any acknowledgement of the date is a signal of interest, which will make him think you’ re interested in a second date, which you’ re not. The answer? Depends. If you split the tab: Silence. If he paid: A short thank you text with no opening for him to ask you out again.
In either case, do not offer your rejection unless you’ve been asked about your feelings:
You: I had a great time but I wasn’t feeling it. Thanks for dinner, though!
Really, Cruella De Ville? Why don’t you take a hatchet to his heart? There’s enough cruelty in the dating world; you don’t need to add to it. Do not offer a rejection unless he asks you out again.
What if he texts before you have a chance to fire off a thank you? What if he asks you out again? Wait a day or so (the silence will be a signal that a rejection is coming) and write something to this effect:
“I had a great time too but to be honest, I didn’t feel much of a romantic connection.
I’m hoping we can continue the good times as friends.”
You should do this for a few important reasons. First and foremost, it makes you a better woman. A better woman does not shy away from an awkward moment. She does not…
Chapter 9: How To Turn Him Into A Friend With Benefits
How To Turn Him Into A Friend With Benefits
Why would you need advice on turning a guy into an FWB? Isn’t no-strings sex what most men want anyway? Don’t you just need to be direct (“Come over; I want you to hit this thing”)?
Yes and no. Not every guy is into no-strings sex. And even the ones that are don’t necessarily want the female version of the loud drunk hitting on girls at the bar. Plus, some guys consciously resist sex with a girl they like if they think it’ll ruin their chances of dating them. All of this argues for an intelligent approach to adding that notch to your lipstick case. Let’s start with the most important aspect of no-strings sex: Keeping yourself safe.
I don’t care if you’re as chaste as a nun or if you’ve been ridden more times than the town bicycle, the first step to a satisfying FWB relationship is settling the “Is He A Psycho” concern. Now, it’s true that a lot of party girls don’t much care about putting themselves in potentially dangerous situations because that’ s part of the thrill. Take my friend Susie. Three guys busted into her apartment and she was charged with sexual assault. Every text she sends sounds like a Category 5 blowjob. If you’re a Susie I’m proud of you—women should claim, own and revel in their own personal brand of sexuality. But even the Susies need to be careful about keeping themselves safe. I mean, having a friend with benefits is great. Having that friend be Jeffrey Dahmer is not.
So how do you address the safety concern?
If you’ve met him twice (the first time when he got your phone number and the second time when you went on a date) you’ve gotten a chance at sizing him up and giving your intuition enough information to settle the safety issue and go forward with a hookup. So, quit reading and hook up with him, already! But if you haven’t? You should ask yourself the same questions I posed earlier about accepting a date without a phone call:
Chapter 10: Fantastic Emoticons That Will Make Him Laugh
Resources For What To Text A Guy
Everybody needs a helping hand (or thumb) now and again. Brain farts and mind freezes are all too common when you’re texting a hottie who makes you want to yell “Take me like a vitamin!” So, we’ve put together a mother load of texting resources to help you out. Enjoy!
How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text
Flirting over text can be fun. There’s no face-to-face forgetting what you want to say or stumbling over your words. You get the chance to play with your crush without getting nervous. Yet it can also be confusing and nerve wracking. You may be wondering if you should text him or how to get him to reply. Understanding when to text him and what to say is one of the keys to flirt texting. Once you learn these skills you’ll see how fun it can be to make a guy go crazy for you. The following resources will help you get started with flirting and texting.
Flirty Texts For Him
Flirty text messages are one of the best ways to show someone you are thinking of them and you like them. They help get your guy’s attention and keep the conversation going. Spicing up your messages can make your relationship more playful or bring it to the next level. Sending a flirty message can also build anticipation and keep your man interested in you even when your not texting. Learning to send flirty texts to your crush will make him go wild for you. The following resources will help you figure out what to say in your flirty texts for him.
Best Texts To Send A Guy
You want to text your man, but you’re just not sure what to say. Sometimes it’s hard to think of the best thing to text him to get the conversation going and make him coming back for more. Texts can add playfulness to your relationship and are a great way to share your unique personality with him. It’s important to find the right balance between being too forward or too casual. We’re here to help! Click on the links below for advice about the best texts to send a guy.
Cute Texts To Send To A Guy
Sometimes you want your texts to your crush to be fun, flirty, or just plain cute. Over thinking your messages to him can easily turn them into awkward or uncomfortable texts. Dating is all about playing to see if you are the right match. Keep your texts cute by being playful and showing your interest in him without going overboard. Sending short messages during the day will heighten expectation and make him excited about seeing you. Remember to let your confidence and personality shine through your messages. These sites offer some helpful hints for sending cute texts to a guy.
Funny Texts To Send To A Guy
Sending a funny text to your crush is a great way to break the ice and let him know that you’re thinking about him. Making your guy laugh shows your playful side and encourages him to share his individuality with you. It also makes him look forward to hearing more from you. If he knows that you have a good sense of humor it may lead to a date or more! Remember to keep your funny texts short and sweet. Funny texts are flirtatious and help create attraction. Check out these sites for more advice on sending funny texts to a guy.
What To Say To A Guy Over Text
You got his number, so the hard part is done, right? Not so fast. Figuring out exactly what to say when you text him can be difficult, frustrating, and time consuming. It’s important to be yourself while you balance being funny, thoughtful, and sexy. No worries, girl! You’ve got this! Clever, flirty texts help reveal your personality and keep him interested. Understanding how your guy thinks will make it easier to turn your boring messages into irresistible texts. If you want to your texts to keep him coming back for more, take a look at the resources below.
What To Text A Guy To Make Him Smile
You want to get your man to smile when he hears his phone chime. How do you get him to grin from ear to ear when he receives your text? Sweet and sexy messages are sure to do the trick. Do this by letting him know that you are attracted to him and thinking of him. You can also put a smile on his face with a funny text. Teasing him with a witty message will keep him engaged and interested. Take a look at the following sites for help with what to text a guy to make him smile.
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