How to talk dirty to a guy
Just like talking about a delicious meal can make it tastier, erotic talk can make sex more appetizing. Most people think “talking dirty” is a vulgar, in-your-face prison-style accounting of what you want to do behind closed doors. But it’s just as often a delicate, tender expression of your love.
Talking erotically means different things in different contexts. It can deepen love or heighten lust. It can help you access sexual fantasies, express your emotional bond, or simply reveal all that is naughty within you. It can be an observation you make of your partner’s body, a compliment of his love-making, a narrative of what’s going on, a preview of coming attractions, an anticipatory exclamation, a sigh, a moan, or a cry.
It’s an expression of what you like, a communication of what you want or an appreciation of what was delivered. It’s the language of love and it can rise to the sky or descend to the gutter. It can be aggressive or tame, naughty or nice, instructive or illuminating. It is many things but it is always expressive.
Erotic talk starts before the clothes come off and doesn’t end until you pull the sheets over you. As you can see below, sexy talk brightens every phase of the sexual experience:
“I love running my fingers through your hairy chest”
“You have amazing hands.”
“I want to kiss every inch of you.”
“I love watching your penis get hard.”
“I love it when you do that.”
“Do you like it when I touch myself here?”
“You taste so good I could do this forever.”
“You feel so good sliding in and out of me.”
“I love the sounds you make when you come.”
“That was amazing.”
“Hold me closer, I want to absorb everything we just did.”
“Have I told you lately how much I love you?”
Talking dirty doesn’t have to be dirty. As you can see there’s a lot more to it than the lunatic ravings of a horny junkyard dog (although there is much to say for that, too). Learning the art of sexy talk is easy. All you have to do is…
How to talk dirty to your partner
A lot of women find it hard to be verbally expressive in bed because, well, they don’t think of themselves as that kind of girl. The fear of being branded a slut, of being judged for being so forward, for acting against your own self-image, or simply being scared of saying something truly lame is enough to treat the bedroom like a library, where even loud shirts are frowned upon. Whether you’re a demure twenty-something, a sophisticated career woman, or a sweet-natured mother of two, talking dirty can seem off-target, like it’s meant for another type of woman.
Of course, being self-conscious about your body adds another layer of reticence. Will talking sexy attract more unwanted attention? How do you express yourself erotically when you hardly want to be in bed in the first place? What if you’re usually silent in bed? Exactly how should you proceed? Slowly. You can’t go from somebody who never utters a peep to somebody who yells, “Drill me with that axis of evil between your legs!”
First, never say that. Second, if you’re in a relationship with a guy who’s so uptight he could crack nuts with his butt cheeks, it might be wise to let him know in advance that you want to talk sexy. Otherwise, you will define awkwardness for the next generation and provoke suspicion to boot (“Where did she learn that kind of talk? Is she cheating on me?” “Where did she get that awful line about the access of evil?”)
That said, most guys love Tabasco Talk. Why do you think they spend $3.99 a minute to hear it? You most likely don’t have to warn him it’s coming, especially if you start slowly and gradually work up to more earthy, lusty language.
The first step to becoming bedlingual.
Start by observing him. What words does he use? What sounds does he make? Does he sigh or moan? When? Is it loud or soft? What effect does it have on you? What words does he repeat? What’s your reaction? Shock? Dismay? Arousal?
Pay attention. Notice. Observe. Then…
How To Talk Dirty To Your Guy
The Erotic Appreciation Exercise.
Simply notice something about his body that you like and say something about it (“I like the shape of your penis when it’s completely hard”). Then say something about his style of lovemaking. Like, “I love the way your kisses automatically make my nipples erect.” It’s simple, really. Notice something you like about your partner and tell him. All you’re doing is putting your thoughts on external speaker. If you feel a little awkward, try whispering it in his ear.
Narrate The Action.
The next step is to describe what’s happening. Is he …
How To Talk Dirty To Men
Engage the erotic feedback loop.
Energy requires dialogue not monologue. Amp it up by responding to the things he says or does. If he says, “I love putting it all inside you,” you can say, “Me too, especially when you slide it in and out of me so slowly.” Not only are you creating more energy but you’re giving him erotic feedback–knowledge he can use to turn you on in the future.
The erotic feedback loop is an important part of talking sexy. You’re not just taking turns speaking–you’re creating an energy spiral. The more excitement you show the more he’ll want to excite you. You say something that turns him on, he responds with something that turns you on and suddenly you’re booked on an inter-planetary flight.
If you can’t say anything nice, say it repeatedly.
Engaging the erotic feedback loop–using sounds and words to indicate pleasure — is critical to sexual communication. Here’s what happens when you don’t engage:
Your partner kisses a hotspot for you–behind your ears.
You don’t say a word or utter a sound, even though you like it.
He moves away from your hotspot and kisses a cold spot.
Now, here’s what happens when you do engage:
Talking Dirty To Your Partners
There’s really only one thing that’s stopping you from talking graphically in bed—you haven’t given yourself permission to do it. Think of talking sexy as slipping into a new persona—the way you’d slip into a dress. Every woman knows how ditching warm-up pants for a sexy cocktail dress with (hopefully) a pair of Christian Louboutins can completely change your perspective. Talking dirty is like that. You’re trying on a new outfit. And just as wearing a corporate suit doesn’t make you a stuffed shirt, talking dirty doesn’t make you a tramp. Talking sexy can be a reflection of who you are or who you never let out. Give yourself permission for a wardrobe change. Here’s how….
Earlier I said it’s not what you say but that you say. I’d like to amend that–it’s also how you say it. The quality of your voice is as important as the content of your words. With the right voice we can get turned on by people reciting the alphabet. But what exactly are the qualities of a sexy voice and how can you bring it forth and put your own personal stamp on it?
Most of us associate a sexy voice with deep, rich, throaty, husky sounds. There’s a reason for that–it’s what your voice sounds like after an orgasm. Experts call it the “post coital voice” because the effects of an orgasm–the release of muscle tension, the change in hormones–move your breathing away from your chest and onto your diaphragm.
So, how can you re-create that “post-coital voice” in the bedroom? By practicing diaphragmatic breathing. You’ll not only feel more calm and relaxed, you’ll cultivate the rich, deep, husky sounds we associate with a sexy voice.
If you’re like most people you’re a “high-chest” breather (your shoulders rise when you breathe). This can raise the larynx, set your whole vocal mechanism out of whack and cause you to sound tense, rushed, and frankly, a little irritating. By practicing diaphragmatic breathing (belly breathing)–you can subtly and sometimes dramatically change your speaking voice.
So where’s your diaphragm? Here’s a neat trick to finding out where it is and how to use it…
Here’s a great way to override the negative thoughts you have about your body so that it frees you to talk dirty with confidence…