ELIMINATE STAINS & ODORS
Get Spotlessly Clean
• Cleans out the lower intestines.
• Gently evacuates the colon.
• Leaves your butt porn star clean.
Aren’t your sheets worth it?
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Preparing For Anal: What If Diet Alone Can’t Get You To Your Fiber Goals?
It’s much better to get fiber through your diet, but this being Fast Food Nation, it won’t hurt for you to take fiber supplements. The main drawback to supplements is that they lack the vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants you get from eating high fiber foods like fruits, whole grains, and beans.
The kind of fiber supplement (psyllium, methylcellulose, wheat dextrin) or brand (Konsyl, Metamucil, Citrucel, etc.) you take or the forms you take it (pills, powder, caplets, gummy bears) don’t really matter. They all behave in pretty much the same way. The most common source for fiber supplements is psyllium, which comes from the seeds of a plant species called Plantago Ovata. When the husk of these seeds is placed in water they expand in size and take on a gel-like consistency. This gel-like mass soaks up water and adds bulk to your stool.
In powder form these supplements taste like sawdust sprinkled with sweeteners. Fortunately, many come in pills and capsules, which is good because I know how much you like to swallow. I kid. Start with the minimum dosage in the bottle and work yourself up. S-L-O-W-L-Y. Too much fiber at one time can make you bloat, pass gas and create unenviable digestive issues. Remember, bedrooms are No Fart Zones. You don’t want your partners dying of auto-not-so-erotic asphyxiation. A couple of things you should know about taking fiber supplements:
• Spread your fiber intake throughout the day. Don’t take the full dose only at night. Spread it evenly throughout the morning, afternoon and bedtime.
• Take medications at least one hour before fiber supplements or two hours after. Fiber is known to absorb certain medicines, diverting them from your body.
• Drink lots of water. Did I say a lot? Because I meant A LOT. Taking fiber without water is like bottoming without lube. It’s going to hurt like hell. Drink at least eight ounces of water with every dosage.
How To Prep For Anal Sex If You Have Stomach Problems.
A lot of gay men have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) that make their rectums a little more, ahm, messier than they like. If this seems embarrassingly true for you, I’d recommend three things:
1. The Fiber Supplement Proven To Help IBS.
Calcium polycarbophil has been proven to regulate diarrhea, constipation, bloating and abdominal pain in patients suffering with IBS. Choose from the following brands and work up slowly from one gram a day to six: Fibercon, Konsyl, Fiber-tab, Fiber-Lax or Equalactin.
Even if you don’t have IBS you might consider using calcium polycarbophil, a synthetic form of fiber rather than psyllium, which is naturally occurring. You’d think the natural stuff would be better for you but calcium polycarbophil runs less of a risk of interacting with gut bacteria and producing unwanted gas. I guess it’s the drag queen equivalent of fiber supplements—more real in its fakeness than even the genuine stuff.
2. A Prebiotic.
A prebiotic is essentially food for probiotics (the “good bacteria” in your gut), which promote digestive health. The one that has the most science behind it is Inulin. Because it’s not digested or absorbed in the stomach it settles in the bowels where the “good” bacteria (probiotics) feed on it, thus improving bowel function (inulin is a natural compound found in a wide variety of fruits, vegetables and herbs). Brands with inulin include Metamucil Clear & Natural, Fiber-Choice, and Benefiber. Take as directed. Inulin stays in your gut and helps the “good” intestinal bacteria grow. You might want to consider taking psyllium along with inulin. Some studies show great promise in using both substances to help treat IBS.
3. A probiotic
Probiotics are “good” bacteria that reduce the growth of harmful bacteria and promote a healthy digestive system. Is that vague enough for you? While it’s true that probiotics are recognized as beneficial to the digestive system, there are 400 types of probiotic bacteria in your gut. The best known of the probiotics is Lactobacillus acidophilus, which is found in yogurt with live cultures. It is not known which probiotics (alone or in combination) work to actually remedy a malady like bloating or diarrhea. There is only one probiotic that shows great promise for people with IBS or moderate-to-severe stomach problems. It’s called Bifidobacterium infantis 35624. Several well-respected studies like this one from the National Center Of Biotechnology Information show that it significantly reduces abdominal pain/discomfort, bloating/distention, and bowel movement difficulty.
There is only one brand that sells Bifidobacterium infantis 35624. It’s called Align, and it’s sold pretty much at drug stores everywhere. Unfortunately, it’s the costliest probiotic out there. Fortunately, it’s also the most effective one, if you ask me. Within four weeks I experienced a noticeable, significant reduction in stomach problems.
How To Tell How Dirty Your Rectum Is Without Inserting A Finger.
Look down. Not at your underwear; the toilet. The size, shape and color of your poo will determine how much residue is left in your rectum. Let’s start with the sound your stools make as they hit the toilet water. I’d like to quote Dr. Mehmet Oz’s unforgettable observation:
“You want to hear what the stool, the poop, sounds like when it hits the water. If it sounds like a bombardier, you know, ‘plop, plop, plop,’ that’s not right because it means you’re constipated. It means the food is too hard by the time it comes out. It should hit the water like a diver from Acapulco hits the water [swoosh].”
After hearing the swoosh sound (hopefully) look down. Your stool should be an S shape. That signifies that the stool is firm enough that it doesn’t break off in little pieces, but soft enough so it doesn’t hurt coming out.
Don’t worry about the frequency of your bowel movement. It can be as often as three times a day or as infrequent as three times per week. There is no normal; only what’s normal for you. You’re better off paying attention to what the bowel movement smells like than anything else. Healthy bowel movements should not force the next person using the bathroom to wear a biohazard suit. Strong or foul smelling stool means there’s something wrong with what you’re eating.
The Fibrous Conclusion On Preparing For Anal.
Eating enough fiber is the only way to make sure that you can bottom without stains or odors. Fiber improves the passage of feces through your colon so that it comes out soft but firm, sweeping up stragglers and leaving no remnants in the rectum as it exits your anus. Fiber is not going to make the boys at Brita raise a glass of your butt spit and say, “Now THAT’S filtered water!” But it will ensure that you’ll never have an ugly “shit bomb” episode that scars you—and your lacy white curtains—for life.
Preparing For Anal Sex: To Douche Or Not To Douche?
Let’s review our points on how to clean your ass for anal sex. The rectum does not store feces. The sigmoid colon does. The rectum is the tunnel, the Panama Canal, if you will, between the sigmoid colon that stores feces and the anus, where it empties out of. While eating enough fiber (and taking The Complete Anal Cleansing supplement) guarantees safe passage without any nuggets snagging in the rectum, there will always be some residue. If fiber takes out 95% of the worry, there’s still that 5% that might make you think twice. Most people think that the only way to clean out those last few percentage points is to…Go Behind Enema Lines.
But they’re wrong. Medical experts agree: Enemas are harmful. Pushing water or a mixture of water and chemicals up your bum creates a powerful peristalsis (accompanied by bloating and cramping) that “evacuates” everything in your lower intestinal tract. Medically, enemas are most commonly used to bring on bowel evacuation as a way of cleaning you out for a colonoscopy (an examination of the bowels with a fiber-optic camera). You can buy these kinds of enemas at drug stores (Fleet is the most popular brand. I love the name. It’s like the manufacturer bought a fleet of vehicles that drive the stool through the Holland Tunnel).
Do enemas work? Yes, you’ll never be cleaner in there (or up there, as the case may be). Should you do it? Absolutely not. Never, ever put chemicals up your butt without medical supervision. Even “harmless” chemicals like mild hand soap, baking soda or sodium phosphate can irritate the colon, cause cramping, and draw electrolytes from the body. But these dangers are entirely beside the point. If your rectum is so dirty that you have to hose it out, the answer isn’t a fire hydrant connection; it’s a better diet. Go back to the last chapter and put yourself on a fiber plan. It won’t just help you bottom without stains; it’ll help in a lot of aspects of your health.
But What About Plain Water Douches?
Stay away from them. Douching could have some serious negative effects. Even plain water douches pose a hazard. They’ll dilute and possibly neutralize the naturally-occurring fluids in your butt lining which protect your rectal tissues. That means it poses an extra risk for HIV infection and hepatitis.
And douching too much can also inadvertently make you constipated! How? Because your body will become accustomed to douching before evacuating your bowels. This could end up making you ‘dependent’ on douching to eliminate waste.
Perhaps the grossest aspect of douching is what’s called “residual liquid.” You know this term as “Anal leakage.” Yes, anal leakage will occur, often hours after you’ve finished douching. Let me state the obvious: Gravy is only good on mashed potatoes. If you absolutely insist on douching then do it rarely. Limit it to special events—your first time bottoming or some other special occasion that requires a porn-quality sphincter.
Using douches or enemas aren’t just unhealthy—they’re impractical. You have to wait two or three hours after your last meal and at least two hours before sex to avoid latent anal leakage. Now that I’ve told you it’s a bad idea to douche on a regular basis, it stands to reason that…
Porn Star Bottoms Prepare for Anal Sex by Douching All The Time.
Are you getting the sense that following porn star regimens is dangerous to your health? Now, why would they do something that’s so detrimental to themselves? Because they’re getting paid to entertain the viewing audience, and while regular cleaning without douching is good enough for private sex, it isn’t for public sex, where paychecks can be wiped away with the hint of a tire track.
Most porn stars prepare for anal sex with heavy-duty armaments. Forget fey Fleet enemas, they use industrial-strength, hose-to-the-faucet enema kits like the Shower Shot, which includes a diverter valve that attaches to the same pipe as your shower head, a sturdy gooseneck-type hose, and a special tubular aluminum nozzle.
It’s the equivalent of pressure-washing your insides. If you’re going to go this route (and I suggest you don’t) heed the warning of one porn star we spoke to:
“I use Shower Shot and warm water. You can get it anywhere like at Walgreens, but it’s like a long hose and you attach it to the shower faucet, and it shoots up. It cleans your gut that way. The first time I did it, it was painful because I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to turn the water full blast. And I didn’t have sex for a week after that.”
Clearly, Shower Shot isn’t made by Toys R Us.
Porn stars may know how to prepare for anal sex safely, but they don’t do it. They not only do the wrong thing with industrial-strength equipment, they like to do it often. One porn star told us, “If I’m going to a shoot, I do it right before I leave the house. And then when I arrive, I do a last minute touch up.” You know, just in case there’s any lining left in his anus. Another told us, “I spend no less than one hour that morning douching if I am shooting that day. When I arrive at the scene I do a last-minute cleanup.”
Introducing The Best Way To Get Yourself Ready for Anal Sex.
If enemas and douches pose too great a risk (and embarrassment) for frequent use, then how can you get yourself 100% clean? I’d like to introduce you to a device that will flush out fecal residue without the dangers of an enema or a douche:
The ear syringe.
Ear syringes hold about one ounce of water—enough to get the job done but far too little to remove rectal mucus or cause peristalsis and its consequent “douche dependency.” Here’s how to use it:
1. Fill the ear syringe with warm water.
2. Apply lubrication to the tip (always use a soft-tipped syringe).
3. Insert into your anus gently.
4. Squirt gently.
5. Retain for a moment. Release.
6. Repeat until the rivers run clear.
Again, the ear syringe avoids the pitfalls of normal douches and enemas: It eliminates the possibility of loosening the protective layer of mucus, won’t cause “douche dependency” for bowel movements and oh, yeah, about that anal leakage thing—it removes the possibility of looking like your underwear got shot with a gravy gun. Get thee to a drug store, stat!
What if you don’t have time for an ear syringe?
Gay sex isn’t always a planned event. What if you’re at the grocery store and Mr. Right Hot Now picks up a cucumber and says, “Mine’s bigger.” Surely you would take him up on his offer to find out. How can you make that happen without encountering a ghastly brown experience? One word: Fiber! You’ve been eating lots of it, right? If not, go back to the last chapter and start chewing. Fiber planning is the best way to ensure you’ll be ready for anal sex at a moment’s notice.
How To Get Ready For Anal Sex: Know Your Anatomy
We cannot have a conversation about preparing for anal sex without a full understanding of a delicate subject: How you eliminate waste from your body. The fear of leaving muddy tire tracks on the sheets or your partner’s penis is based on a misconception that feces are stored in the rectum.
Your Feces Are Not Stored In Your Rectum.
In fact, they are not. Feces are stored in the sigmoid colon, which sits above the rectum. The only time your rectum fills with stool is when the sigmoid colon fills up and needs to release it. Through a combination of anatomical structure, neural switches and reflex triggers it is impossible for stool to remain in your rectum. Now, often there is residue, for sure, and we’ll talk about that later in the chapter. But for now, know that your rectum, the place that will lovingly hold and pet the penis when you’re bottoming, is a pipeline, not a storage device. It is the Panama Canal between the sigmoid colon and your sphincter. Ships can only pass through; they cannot anchor.
Let’s take a look at why. It’ll be helpful to see a diagram of how the sigmoid colon (where the last stages of fecal matter are produced) attaches to the rectum.
Feces Only Enter The Rectum AFTER You Consciously Decide To Eliminate.
The sigmoid colon releases waste (stool) to the rectum when the body is ready for elimination and only when it is ready. There are several ways the body makes sure that things don’t ‘slip’ into the rectum accidentally. First, the juncture between the sigmoid colon and the rectum lies at ninety degrees. The sigmoid colon is horizontal where it meets the rectum, which lies on a more vertical plane. This sharp angle stops feces from entering the rectum on their own.
SOMEONE CALL SECURITY!
“Security” is reinforced by a sphincter muscle between the sigmoid and the rectum (Christ, how many sphincters do we have in our bodies!). In its natural state this sphincter is constricted and thus acts as the gatekeeper. It remains tightly shut unless it receives a command from headquarters.
As fecal content grows in the sigmoid colon it exerts pressure on this sphincter muscle. This triggers one of many involuntary “defecation reflexes” and signals the sigmoid sphincter to open up and let the fecal content into the rectum. The entry of feces into the rectum distends the rectal wall.
Stretch Receptors Trigger Perilstasis.
There, stretch receptors trigger signals to the descending and sigmoid colon to increase peristalsis (the involuntary constriction and relaxation of the muscles, creating wavelike movements that push the fecal contents forward). These “waves” of movement pass through all the way to the anus, causing the puborectal sling to loosen, straightening the S curve in your rectum, and causing the internal sphincter (remember him, the one who doesn’t obey your orders to relax?) to completely relax (the bastard!).
Defecation Can Only Happen When You Release The Eternal Sphincter.
But defecation only happens once you release the external sphincter, which you have conscious control of. When you can’t find a bathroom (and you’d rather not relieve yourself on the carpet) you can clench your external sphincter to keep it from happening. You will also be aided by the sling, which acts as “continence muscle” that stops you from farting or taking a shit in the middle of a cocktail party. When you need to go but can’t, the sling responds to the pressure by contracting, which holds the feces back until you have the opportunity to find a bathroom.
If you’re able to prevent defecation long enough by consciously clenching your external sphincter, the stool in the rectum is often returned to the colon by reverse peristalsis, temporarily reducing pressure in the rectum (deactivating the stretch receptors). The stool is then stored in the sigmoid colon until the transverse and descending colon, which connects to the sigmoid from above, triggers the next peristalsis movement. You only want to delay defecation in cases when there are no bathrooms or you’re stuck in some circumstance that prevents you from accessing one (accepting an Oscar for Best Supporting Bottom, for example). If defecation is delayed long enough, the fecal matter may harden and oh, dear, you’ll get as constipated as Ru Paul when he’s out of drag.
So What Does All This Have To With Preparing For Anal Sex?
First, understanding the process of elimination helps reassure you that the rectum does not store feces. This should put you at ease: You will not release a shit bomb if you bottom. Second, there are parallels between elimination and insertion. If you want objects to make a smooth entrance, it behooves you to understand how they make a graceful exit. For example, let’s take that sling inside you. It pulls the lower rectum forward toward the belly button up to 90 degrees, creating an S curve.
More Interesting Facts About Anal Hygiene & Process
The tighter the sling, the more pronounced the S curve. The sling prevents things from leaving the rectum (it’s one of the reasons you strain in the toilet) and prevents things from entering it (it blocks the penis by greeting it with the rectal wall). So let’s study how the sling releases for elimination because we can use that knowledge to release it during insertion.
During defecation the sling loosens so much it decreases the S curve from almost ninety degrees to 15 degrees (almost straight) causing the external sphincter to relax involuntarily. If you can master that loosening of the sling during sex, bottoming will be a breeze. While you cannot consciously relax the puborectal sling, there are positions that naturally straighten it. Positions like the ones you take when you go to the bathroom.
Normally, you sit on the toilet with hips and knees at about a right angle. It’s known as the “Catcher’s position” because it’s so close to the position baseball catchers take during a game. But since toilets were only invented in the nineteenth century, a good part of the world doesn’t use the “catcher’s position” for elimination. They use a “squatting toilet” (fancy for a hole in the ground). This forces you to squat all the way down to your ankles.
Many proctologists believe that the catcher’s position we use in the western world creates bowel movement problems because it does not sufficiently loosen the puborectal sling. This keeps the S curve fairly pronounced, causing many people to strain in the bathroom. In fact research shows people strain three times greater in a sitting position than a squatting one.
Whoa, whoa! Enough of this shit! What does all this discussion about defecation postures have to do with bottoming? Again, the S curve that makes it harder for things to go out your butt is the same S curve that makes things hard for things to go in it. The “catcher’s position” you take on the toilet is most like the missionary position in bed— on your back with knees raised at ninety degrees to your torso. That straightens the S sling a bit but not by a lot. But the squatting position significantly straightens out the S curve. And that is why you should start bottoming by squatting on top of your partner rather taking the missionary position. You will be shocked at how much easier a penis goes in this way. Why? Because squatting releases the sling, which straightens the S curve.
This also brings us to another point worth mentioning. Many guys feel like they have to defecate when a penis enters their rectum. Why is that? If you review the early part of this chapter you’ll remember that the rectum has “stretch sensors.” When the rectum is full, stretch receptors fire, giving you the feeling that you have to take a dump. When a penis enters the rectum, it sets off these stretch sensors, in the way your cat might set off the fire alarm. In other words, that feeling that you have to take a dump? It’s a false alarm. This sensation will wane as your rectum learns to re-interpret the presence of a penis. It is not possible for you to have a bowel movement during sex, even if it feels like you need to.
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