How to Have Anal Sex
Is This You?
The last time you and your man were having sex, things got beyond “frisky” and he decided to finger your anus. You were hesitant about it but let him do it because after all, you want to satisfy him. The moment he put his finger in your sphincter, you definitely weren’t “ready” for it and instead of feeling good, it felt like someone poked you with a poker. You want to give him that feeling of exclusivity and trust by allowing him to enter you anally, but the sheer size of his penis coming close to your butt makes you shudder and gives you nightmares. How can you get the muscles around that area to relax and let him enter you easily? How can you overcome the pain associated with anal sex and put it behind you once and for all?
My Butt Is An Exit Not An Entrance!
There’s no denying the fact that the anus is primarily designed to move content OUT of your body rather than take anything IN. The whole idea of anal sex intrigues you but you’re not confident enough to try it because you think it is unconventional. You’ve heard of your friends doing it and they have mixed reviews. To some it’s a way to enhance sexual pleasure, whereas for others, it has only invited unwanted pain into their sexual life. How can you condition your anus to become an entrance point? How can you ensure that every time you have anal sex, it provides you more pleasure than pain?
What If Smells & Stains Turn Him Off?
It’s no secret that excrement comes out of your anus, so just like you wouldn’t want your man to be anywhere near you when you’re pooping, you definitely wouldn’t want him to smell anything “unpleasant” after having anal sex. So the fear of turning him off with a bad smell is often worse for you than the fear of pain. How can you ensure that he has a clean entry and exit when you two have anal sex? How do you manage to keep that area clean so whenever you have anal sex it doesn’t traumatize you or your man (or your sheets)?
Good Girls Don’t Have Anal Sex
You think that anal sex is only for women who do porn. A respectable woman such as yourself would be degrading herself if she allowed her boyfriend or husband to have anal sex with her. You can’t seem to change your mindset on the topic of anal sex and at the same time, think that allowing your man to enter your anus may make him lose respect for you.
What If You Could Have Anal Sex Without Any Pain, Smells Or Stains?
Forget the timid, ‘good-girl’ sex you’ve been having all your life. When you’re able to enter the realm of anal sex and the pleasure it provides to both you and your man, you have just transcended into a higher phase of sexual contact. Your man is going to appreciate the closeness you provide him by letting him have you this way and you can expect your relationship to improve thanks to this intimacy.
Your Sex Life Would BLOOM
Vaginal sex can only go so far in pleasing him – when you let him in the ‘backdoor’ you’ll open the doors to scintillating sex and become a more stimulating lover.
You’d Be A More Exciting Lover
Put the thought and actual feeling of pain behind you. You can now have anal sex without worrying about your anus hurting for days after. See, I developed a new technique with the help of a colo-rectal specialist. On top of that, you can rest assured that he will not smell anything unpleasant when he’s back there. There’s actually a way to ensure that you’re clean every time you two are ready for anal penetration.
Want to read about it? It’s right here:
In This Book You’ll Learn How To…
• Take Bigger Guys. Is your partner well-endowed? That can be a deal breaker for penetrative anal sex. My Sexhalation technique will help you take bigger guys without feeling like a train is ramming you in the butt.
• Learn The Best Angles And Positions. Try fitting a square block into a circle, you won’t get too far. Learn the most ideal angles he can enter you through and the positions that maximize pleasure for both of you.
• Get over your physical and psychological obstacles. Millions of women can’t seem to get past their physical and psychological stumbling blocks to enjoy one of the most intense sexual experiences they can have. Through my Sexhalation method, you’ll have no qualms about anal sex anymore.
• Keep Your Anus As Clean As A Whistle. Don’t worry about turning him off by leaving unwanted smells or stains. The device I’ll tell you about works wonders for women who want to have anal sex and more importantly, want to enjoy it. Drug stores sell it for a couple of bucks. Grab one on the way home!
• Understand Your Anatomy To Better Avoid Pain. Find out how your butt is built so you can avoid the three main points of pain. It isn’t just the sphincter that causes pain in anal sex—it’s also the “S-curve” inside. I’ll show you easy ways to straighten it to eliminate pain and boost pleasure.
BE MORE VERSATILE
STOP THE PAIN
My Sexhalation method and S-Curve conditioning technique will ensure that you have pain free anal sex. Stop dreading anal sex and ENJOY it.
STOP THE HYGIENE WORRIES
Learn new techniques to getting yourself completely clean down there. Smells? Gone. Stains? Gone.
BOND WITH YOUR MAN
The techniques in this guide help build positive, shared experiences that will bring you emotionally closer. You can grab the book here:
The author on the set with Greg Behrendt and Tyra Banks.
I started my career by syndicating a sex and relationships column all over the country and I sort of became known as the “East Coast Dan Savage.” Next thing I knew I was auditioning for a co-hosting role in a sex makeover series called The Sex Inspectors.
With the screen test cameras rolling, I remember the production chief asking me what I thought of women faking their orgasms. “That’s nothing,” I sniffed. “Men fake whole relationships.”
I got the job.
The show went on to be an international hit, airing in 12 countries, including the U.S. on HBO. It led to my biggest book yet, Sex Inspectors Master Class: How To Have An Amazing Sex Life (Penguin).
I love giving advice to people. I love to see barriers crack and humanity come to the surface. I hope I’m able to do that with The Sexhalation Method and hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
Read More Anal Sex Tips For Women
Want to take a sneak peek at some of the chapters in my book? Just click the tabs on the left and you’ll see excerpts from each chapter so you can get a sense of the content and style. I like to bootleg a lot of facts and insights into funny narratives. My goal is to teach you something while making you laugh. And if I fail, well, that’s what the 30 day money back guarantee is for!
Get A Better Love Life For The Price Of A Few Drinks!
You Can Read Sample Chapters Here:
Tips For Women Having Anal Sex
It’s a safe bet you didn’t come up with the idea of having anal sex. Your partner most likely did. And the main reason you’re resisting is the belief that it’s going to hurt worse than a boy band verse. And that leads to what I call “Anal Glaucoma.” That’s where you turn to your partner and say, “I can’t see you in my ass.” Millions of women can’t seem to get past their physical and psychological stumbling blocks to enjoy one of the most intense sexual experiences they can have. This is a shame because as you’re about to find out, you can easily have anal sex without pain by using The Sexhalation Method, a new technique I developed with the help of a team of experts, including a yoga guru, a respiratory psychophysiologist, a colo-rectal specialist and a physician with a masterful knowledge of anatomy.
Anal intercourse isn’t just about the physical sensation of being penetrated. It’s the emotional high of accepting someone else’s presence inside a part of your body. It’s the psychological thrill of being momentarily “owned,” of submitting yourself to the strength of another man. If you’re in a relationship it’s an act that enhances the feeling of union. If you’re single it’s a hot way of having fun. And if you’re YOU, it’s an act that fear and pain prevent you from completing. If you bought this book you probably fall into one of two types of women:
- You Really Want To Have Anal Sex But You’re Too Afraid To Try. You just can’t imagine how something as big as an erect penis can fit into an orifice as small as your anus without causing an excruciating amount of pain. You’re probably also afraid of the mess you might leave behind on the sheets. Some women live in mortal fear that anal intercourse will create a “shit show” in the bedroom and stain their psyches as well as their sheets.
- You’ve Tried Having Anal Sex And It Hurt Like Hell. In fact, it was as painful as you feared and while there wasn’t a shit show, there was the odd smell or tire track that kinda grossed you out. You stopped trying even though still, to this day, you want to have the experience of pain-free, pleasure-filled anal intercourse.
Pain, or the fear of pain, is the biggest reason women shy away from backdoor sex. It doesn’t have to be that way. The only reason it hurts so much is that you don’t understand the three sources of pain and how to avoid them. In this book I’m going to show you specific techniques that will allow you to experience the ecstasy of anal sex without any of the pain you’ve come to fear or associate with it.
Anal intercourse is not the sexual equivalent of walking over hot coals. You don’t have to put yourself through hell to get to the other side. You just have to follow the plan I’ve developed with the help of respected medical experts in the field of urology, proctology, yoga, psychology and gastro-enterology.
Tips For Anal Sex
Free Your Mind, Your Butt Will Follow
Anticipatory pain and the belief that backdoor sex is “wrong” can put your butt in a headlock. Here’s how to resolve the emotional blocks that stop you from trying or enjoying anal sex.
No amount of sphincter relaxation exercises, breathing patterns and desensitization techniques can overcome a paralyzing fear of rectal stimulation. Unless you come to terms with your fears, unless you start rejecting the demonstrably false belief that anal sex is “dirty” (in every sense of the word) and painful it will be very difficult for you to have anal sex pleasurably (if at all).
You can’t shut off long-held beliefs as if they were light switches, but you can make a lot of progress by questioning the assumptions you’ve internalized. Let’s start by asking a question.
Is Anal Sex “Dirty?”
Is the anal area off limits to the decent-minded? Is it a no-go area for self-respecting women? A lot of women see anal sex as something only porn stars, prostitutes and garden-variety sluts enjoy doing. They think it’s kinky, twisted, and to put it mildly, something Mom would never approve of. But where are those thoughts coming from? Part of it comes from a natural ambivalence toward the body’s natural functions. We are both fascinated with our feces (who doesn’t turn around to look at their bowel movement in the toilet?) and repulsed by them. There’s no getting around that feces pass through the anus and rectum so it’s only natural that we’d have an ambivalence toward those body parts. But as you’ll see later in this book, cleanliness is easy to achieve. So, if proper hygiene can be maintained and the anus is simply another orifice in our body, what then, stops women from trying anal sex? First and foremost is the fear of pain, but we’ll talk about that later. For now, let’s concentrate on the taboo that “good girls” don’t have anal sex. One way to work through this sex-negative belief is to question its authority as well as its validity. Who says “good girls” don’t? And who says you want to be a good girl? The taboo against anal sex is not a fact you received openly; it’s a fiction thrust upon you. All you have to do to realize you’re reading fiction is to close the book. And that’s something you should do with this taboo.
Anal Sex For Women
How “Anticipatory Pain” Can Make Your Butt Tighter Than Two Coats Of Paint.
“Anticipatory pain” is a psychological term for the expectation of pain. It speaks to the emotional and physical consequences of this expectation. For example, if you are convinced that something will be painful, your body will tense up in the expectation of it. The more you believe that anal sex (or as I call it, “backdooring”) will hurt, the tenser your body will get. Your butt will clench for its safety as hard as it can. This expectation of pain contributes greatly to your inability to relax. If you’re convinced that backdooring is going to hurt like hell, how in God’s pajamas are you going to be relaxed enough to enjoy it? Imagine telling someone, “This is going to hurt worse than a motor-powered root canal, so just relax.” Right. That’s helpful. But that’s what you’re saying to yourself and as long as you keep saying it you’re destined for failure.
But wait, you say! You’ve heard horror stories from your friends and hell, it hurts even when you stick your pinky up there—how could a penis NOT hurt going in? Here’s how: Because the entire anus, from the sphincter to the anal canal to the rectum, is made up of incredibly supple, flexible muscle and tissue that, with the right conditioning, can stretch and expand way beyond its current size without causing harm or pain. To get a sense of the flexibility in your puborectal region, know this: During rectal surgery your anus can be safely stretched to the point that the surgeon’s hand can easily pass through the anal canal.
Let’s just hope the surgeon doesn’t get an attack of jazz hands during the procedure.
With the right conditioning your anal muscles can relax enough to easily accommodate a penis without any pain whatsoever. You’re going to learn a special new technique I developed to help you do that, but it won’t work if you’re saddled with the expectation of pain. Fortunately, there’s a very easy way to make your belief in misery go away: Commit yourself to a…
Back Door Sex
Why It Feels Like You’re Being Impaled By A Fence Post.
It isn’t just your sphincter causing all that pain; it’s your “S-curve” as well as involuntary puborectal contractions. Discover your anatomical structure so you can make The Sexhalation Method work better.
Relaxing your sphincter during anal sex will go a long way to eliminating pain, but it only gets you so far into the Promised Land. There are two other points of pain to watch out for. In order to prevent them from doing the devil’s work you have to understand a bit of butt anatomy. Let’s start with something that might surprise you.
You Have Two Sphincters.
You may only have one anus but two connecting sphincters surround it. They are distinct but overlapping bands of muscle tissue. And while they serve the exact same function (regulating grand openings and final close-outs) they go about it in different ways. You are most familiar with the external sphincter because you can order it to tighten and release. Here, try it. Squinch your starfish by using the muscles to stop yourself from peeing. Got it? Tighten, release, tighten, release. Now, this time with feeling! Tighten, release. Now do five fast tightens. Get it? You can boss that part of your butt around. Feel like taking a crap but there’s no bathroom around? No problem. You can will your external sphincter not to open. At least for a while.
But the internal sphincter? You can’t tell it to do shit. And I mean that in every sense of the word. You are not its boss. Like your blood pressure and heartbeat, you cannot directly control it.
Do this: Put your hands in front of you as if you’re praying. Now intertwine your fingers down to the webbing and press your palms together as tight as you can. Now keep everything connected and completely relax both hands. Notice the small opening between the side of your thumb and your index finger? This is the opening to your anus. If somebody tried to poke their finger through that opening it would feel snug but it’d go in pretty easy.
Now tighten both hands as hard as you can. The left hand is the internal sphincter you cannot directly control. The right hand is the external sphincter you can. Keeping the left hand tight as a drum, completely relax your right hand. Your right hand (external sphincter) is relaxed so a slight opening was created. But your left hand (internal sphincter) is so tight that it won’t let a poking finger through very easily.
Welcome to backdooring’s first dilemma: The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. Or more accurately, the left hand doesn’t care what the right hand is doing. The internal and external sphincter can and often do work independently of each other. In order to make penetration smooth and effortless both sphincters have to get on the same page. In the next chapter, you’re going to learn how to do that, but first, let’s talk about another pain in the ass. Did you know that…
Women and Anal Sex
The Secret To Eliminating Pain: The Sexhalation Method.
By combining systematic desensitization, pattern breathing, progressive muscle relaxation and sexual imagery you will completely eliminate pain.
How many times have you heard that from your partner as he tries to anally penetrate you? Hell, how many times have you said it to yourself? Telling someone to relax without showing them how is counter-productive. It actually increases anxiety and tension because on top of not relaxing you feel like a failure for not being able to relax!
Tension is the main source of pain when it comes to backdooring. When an object is forcefully inserted into a tense, clenched, tightly wound, clamped down set of muscles and tissue, it will damage, tear and bruise the area. But if the area is completely relaxed, an incoming object meets little to no resistance and slides in easily and without pain.
But how do you go from clenched and clamped to calm and relaxed? Think nice thoughts? Distract yourself? Count to ten? Breathe? How? Most of us do not have any idea how to calm ourselves to the point of complete relaxation, especially when we’re experiencing stress. And if you want to experience stress all you have to do is look at the size of your partner’s penis and then the size of your anus!
You don’t need to be told to relax. You know that. If it were easy to relax while a large object the size of a penis goes into a tiny orifice the size of your anus you’d have already done it. One major reason you’ve failed is that a great deal of the puborectal region, like the internal sphincter, does not respond to conscious attempts at relaxation. What you need is a disciplined approach that shows you how to relax muscles that won’t listen to you. And that’s why I’d like to introduce you to…
Anal Sex Advice
Managing The Ick Factor
The secret to getting cleaner than a Brady Bunch rerun.
We cannot have a conversation about keeping yourself clean without a full understanding of a delicate subject: How you eliminate waste from your body. The fear of leaving muddy tire tracks on the sheets or your partner’s penis is based on a misconception that feces are stored in the rectum. In fact, they are not. Feces are stored in the sigmoid colon, which sits above the rectum. The only time your rectum fills with stool is when the sigmoid colon fills up and needs to release it. Through a combination of anatomical structure, neural switches and reflex triggers it is impossible for stool to remain in your rectum. Now, often there is residue, for sure, and we’ll talk about that later in the chapter. But for now, know that your rectum, the place that will lovingly hold and pet the penis when you’re backdooring, is a pipeline, not a storage device. It is the Panama Canal between the sigmoid colon and your sphincter. Ships can only pass through; they cannot anchor.
Let’s take a look at why. It’ll be helpful to see a diagram of how the sigmoid colon (where the last stages of fecal matter are produced) attaches to the rectum. Click here for some enlightening diagrams: http://bit.ly/S0WM9e.
The sigmoid colon releases waste (stool) to the rectum when the body is ready for elimination and only when it is ready. There are several ways the body makes sure that things don’t ‘slip’ into the rectum accidentally. First, the juncture between the sigmoid colon and the rectum lies at ninety degrees. The sigmoid colon is horizontal where it meets the rectum, which lies on a more vertical plane. This sharp angle stops feces from entering the rectum on their own. “Security” is reinforced by a sphincter muscle between the sigmoid and the rectum (Damn, how many sphincters do we have in our bodies!). In its natural state this sphincter is constricted and thus acts as the gatekeeper. It remains tightly shut unless it receives a command from headquarters.
As fecal content grows in the sigmoid colon it exerts pressure on this sphincter muscle. This triggers one of many involuntary “defecation reflexes” and signals the sigmoid sphincter to open up and let the fecal content into the rectum. The entry of feces into the rectum distends the rectal wall. There, stretch receptors trigger signals to the descending and sigmoid colon to increase peristalsis (the involuntary constriction and relaxation of the muscles, creating wavelike movements that push the fecal contents forward). These “waves” of movement pass through all the way to the anus, causing the puborectal sling to loosen, straightening the S curve in your rectum, and causing the internal sphincter to completely relax.
Tips On Anal Sex
A Device That’s Better Than A Douche Or An Enema
Enemas and douches are a bad idea. Here’s a better one.
Let’s review. The rectum does not store feces. The sigmoid colon does. The rectum is the tunnel, the Panama Canal, if you will, between the sigmoid colon that stores feces and the anus, where it empties out of. While eating enough fiber guarantees safe passage without any nuggets snagging in the rectum, there will always be some residue. If fiber takes out 95% of the worry, there’s still that 5% that might make you think twice. Most people think that the only way to clean out those last few percentage points is to…
Go Behind Enema Lines.
But they’re wrong. Medical experts agree: Enemas are harmful. Pushing water or a mixture of water and chemicals up your bum creates a powerful peristalsis (accompanied by bloating and cramping) that “evacuates” everything in your lower intestinal tract. Medically, enemas are most commonly used to bring on bowel evacuation as a way of cleaning you out for a colonoscopy (an examination of the bowels with a fiber-optic camera). You can buy these kinds of enemas at drug stores (Fleet is the most popular brand. I love the name. It’s like the manufacturer bought a fleet of vehicles that drive the stool through the Holland Tunnel).
Do enemas work? Yes, you’ll never be cleaner in there (or up there, as the case may be). Should you do it? Absolutely not. Never, ever put chemicals up your butt without medical supervision. Even “harmless” chemicals like mild hand soap, baking soda or sodium phosphate can irritate the colon, cause cramping, and draw electrolytes from the body. But these dangers are entirely beside the point. If your rectum is so dirty that you have to hose it out, the answer isn’t a fire hydrant connection; it’s a better diet. Go back to the last chapter and put yourself on a fiber plan. It won’t just help you have anal sex without stains; it’ll help in a lot of aspects of your health.
But What About Plain Water Douches?
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What Qualifies You As An Expert?
I’ve been a sex and relationships columnist for the last twelve years. As you can see in Wikipedia, I’ve also authored 8 books on the subject, including Sex Inspectors Master Class: How To Have An Amazing Sex Life (based on the TV series I co-hosted that aired in the UK on Channel 4 and on HBO). I also blog for the Huffington Post, have written for the New York Times and done multiple commentaries on NPR’s All Things Considered. I’ve also been profiled in magazines like Marie Claire and Creative Loafing, and written for WebMD.
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