Does Ass Play Make You Gay?
Massaging your prostate requires ass play. A lot of men feel that the anal zone is a no-go space because it’s a statement on their sexuality. Their fear? Ass play makes you gay.
Right. That’s like saying eating a salad makes you vegan. Don’t let toxic masculinity stop you from exploring your ass and discovering volcanic pleasure. Today we’re going to discuss how to overcome limiting ideas of masculinity.
A perceived loss of masculinity can put your butt in a headlock.
There is no way you are going to be able to relax you’re Spectre enough to find your prostate if you are paralyzed with the fear that anal play somehow makes you gay.
This is the single biggest emotional stumbling block men have about experimenting with ass play—being labeled less than a man. For many of us, ass play isn’t an opportunity to enjoy a pleasurable sexual experience but an act that threatens our sense of masculinity and the respect that goes with it. Many men believe that enjoying anal sensations will create a new unwanted identity for them; that they’ll become, ahem, the butt of everyone’s jokes.
If you can get away from the falsehood of ass play as an identity-shaping activity and see it for what it is—an erotic activity–the more relaxed and receptive you will be to enjoying prostate orgasms.
Is Ass Play Girlie?
It might be helpful to understand how so many of us came to associate ass play with effeminacy. Throughout history, being the penetrator was synonymous with being a man. Anything that subverted the concept of masculinity was punished with social ostracism and ridicule. And nothing mocked masculinity more than getting penetrated.
Greeks and Romans didn’t really care whom you had sex with (women, men, boys, slaves) as long as you were the penetrator. The Romans even had a word for it: Vir.
It was an exalted term, symbolizing the ideal man: He who penetrates but is himself not penetrated.
Today we still live out those vestiges of antiquity. In heterosexual thinking, the penetrator (man) is more valuable than the penetrated (women).
By developing identities out of these labels we cut ourselves off of any unlabeled possibilities.
Time To Call Bullshit.
Labels belong on a can, not a man. Ass play says NOTHING about your masculinity.
The idea that it does simply creates psychic prisons preventing you from experiencing all that there is to experience.
Stimulating your prostate requires the ability to relax. No amount of sphincter relaxation exercises, breathing patterns and desensitization techniques can overcome a paralyzing fear of losing your masculinity. Unless you come to terms with your fears, unless you start rejecting the demonstrably false belief that fingering your ass makes you less than a man it will be very difficult for you to experience prostate orgasms.
You can’t shut off a long-held belief as if it was a light switch, but you can make a lot of progress by questioning the assumptions you’ve internalized. Let’s start with the biggest one. It goes something like this:
- Men penetrate.
- Women get penetrated.
- Therefore, if you get penetrated (by your own finger or a prostate massager), you’re a woman.
Masculinity isn’t about what you put into your body.
It’s about what you put out in the world.
The idea that you’ll get trapped into a new sexual orientation by trying something new in bed is nothing but a sex-negative belief. Carnivores don’t re-label themselves as vegans after eating a salad. We are expanded, not trapped, by what we like. Adding new experiences to your life doesn’t subtract anything from who you are.
Remember, labels belong on a can, not a man. Beware the associations you subconsciously make about sexual play.