Using fantasies and playing with power depends on having a partner who’ll be there for you physically and emotionally. Trust and lust sit side by side like
a pair of shears, joined so that they cannot be separated even though they often move in opposite directions.
Domination Sexual Discipline
If you’re willing to give it a go, fantasies, domination and/or submission can lead to ever greater levels of intimacy with your partner and help you bear witness to a dawn of new sexual horizons.
Here’s a quick primer on everything we’ve worked on:
Studies show that sexual fantasies raise women’s testosterone levels, which are key to manifesting sexual desire. If your libido is flagging—or if you simply want to give your zip a little more zap—make it a point to fantasize about sex.
Women who liked this blog post also liked “Domination Sexual Discipline.”
Remember, fantasies are your erotic imagination applied to people, places and activities. A few reminders:
- Ask the right question. Don’t ask, “What’s my fantasy?” Ask, “What turns me on?”
- Follow that line of questioning with even more questions: Who turns me on? What’s the location? What are the details? Who else is involved? What do I want to experience?
Steal a Fantasy if You Can’t Come Up with Your Own:
- Look at movies with famous sex scenes (The Big Easy, End Of The Affair). Ask yourself, “What would make this scene even hotter for me? What would I change? What would I add or subtract?
- Watch women-centered porn for great ideas. You can find great movies like Afrodite Superstar and Trial Run on sites like Good For Her.
- Read fantasy collection books like Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden, which is a compendium of female fantasies and sexual dreams.
- Read mainstream books like Lady Chatterley’s Lover or Fifty Shades Of Grey.
- Pore over erotic photography books like The New Erotic Photography and see if that doesn’t loosen a few boards.
Integrate Fantasies into Your Sex Life By:
- Reading erotica to your partner (and listening to him read).
- Playing the Erotic Telephone Game. You whisper the start of a story in his ear, he changes it slightly to his liking with a sentence or two, then you answer him back.
- Role-playing. Inhabit the characters and situations in your imagination. Ask yourself, “What will make this more real for me?” and make it happen—costumes, props, music, you name it. The more detail you can put in a scene the more real it will be. Ask yourself: What can I do to enhance the sensations I’m feeling?
Playing With Power.
Be conscious of how you relate to and enjoy power—giving it or surrendering to it. The exhilaration comes not from expertise but from participation.
Don’t worry about getting it right; concentrate on the experiences you want to have. Do you want to give your rights up to a powerful authority figure? Bend your will to another? Become helpless and compliant? Get punished for transgressions? Or do you want to exert control, telling your partner what to do, watch them obey, inflict punishment and see their suffering?
Here are the steps to playing with power:
- Find out whether you prefer to dominate or submit (or both). Do this by filling out the questionnaire in this post.
- Share the results with your partner. Agree to try activities that you both circled. The goal is to have fun, push boundaries and explore your psyche.
- Drawing a blank? Get ideas from reading books like Fifty Shades Of Grey or the Club Shadowlands.
- Start slow then ramp up. Start safe, play sane and build slowly.
- If you’re the dominant: You’re not bending the submissive to your will but to theirs. You are giving what you are allowed to give and no more. Do not slap, smack or spank during domination sex unless the submissive is aroused. Otherwise, it will hurt like hell, and it won’t be the good kind of pain.
- If you’re the submissive: Set limits. Be clear about you’re willing to give or you will have a highly unsatisfying submission sex experience. Be detailed, be specific or be disappointed.
- Do a quick role reversal before you start. This will ensure that the dominant knows what you consider to be light slapping feels like so he or she doesn’t cross a line you don’t want crossed.
- Concentrate on the interaction, not the details. It doesn’t matter whether you’re tying the knots correctly or using the right handle on the paddle. This isn’t about technique, it’s about interaction and how you feel about wielding or yielding control.
- Agree on a “safe word” to immediately stop the action. This gives the submissive complete control and the dominant a sense of boundaries.
- Always talk to your partner after you’re done. It’s the only way you’re both going to be clear about what worked, what didn’t and what you’d like to try next.