Have you ever seen a speaker tap a microphone that’s obviously working and ask, “Is this thing on?” That’s actually what happens with women with sexual self-consciousness.
All the physiological signs of arousal are at work, but they still ask themselves, “Am I turned on?”
Women who are dissatisfied with their bodies are less able to accurately estimate heartbeat, blood glucose levels, and muscle contractions. This tends to create a greater disconnect between the physical signs of arousal (rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, etc.) and your subjective experience of it (“Am I turned on?”).
In other words, your fires may be stoking but you can’t sense the heat.
In this post, we are going to close the gap between your physiologic response and your subjective awareness, and we’re going to do it with a mirror, a hand, and a vibrator. Yes, we’re going to chart your erotic terrain.
It’s only by understanding what your body responds to and how it responds that you’ll be able to pick up on its subtleties, interpret them correctly, and act on them appropriately.
In an earlier post, we saw how awareness of, respect toward, and attention to your body’s desires improves your sense of well-being. It’s no different in bed. Let’s apply the skills we learned in cultivating sensuality and make it work in the bedroom.
It all starts by asking yourself the mother of all sex questions:
How To Feel Good About Your Body In Bed
Women with bedroom body shame tend to have a one-way relationship with their bodies. They speak and their bodies listen. It’s time to switch roles. Listen and let your body speak. It has a lot to say, and believe me, you’re going to love what you hear.
Your body has lots of pleasure zones. Some are obvious, some aren’t. Your job is to find out what’s hot and what’s not. There’s no better way to do that than to be, as Jerry Seinfeld once bragged, “the master of your own domain.”
Let’s say you discover your orgasms are much more powerful if you avoid directly stimulating your clitoris and focus on the area slightly below it. You not only discovered something pleasurable, but you also gained a profound understanding of how your body works and, in turn, gained mastery over it.
You’ll gain new respect (and wonder) at your body, be more willing to share it with the person you love and be well on your way to getting comfortable in the bedroom.
Filling Yourself Out Like an Application
The best way of “listening” to your body is to “map out” your hot spots. You’ll see lots of techniques, but they’re essentially variations of a three-step process—hauling out a hand, a vibrator, and asking the same question you learned in cultivating sensuality: “
By understanding how your body responds to touch, pressure, temperature, moisture, positions, fantasies, and environment, you will become more confident and less self-conscious in bed. It will be easier to sense the signs of physiological arousal, act on it, and, just as importantly, communicate it to your partner.
Believe me, he wants to know. Knowing how to turn on a woman is a man’s biggest turn-on.
In the next post, we’ll check in on your libido (which may be on a short vacation). In the meantime, here are the top five reasons masturbation is good for you (hey, it’s science!).
If you missed the last post, read it here.