We cannot have a conversation about anal sex tips for keeping yourself clean without a full understanding of a delicate subject: How you eliminate waste from your body. The fear of leaving muddy tire tracks on the sheets or your partner’s penis is based on a misconception that feces are stored in the rectum. In fact, they are not. Feces are stored in the sigmoid colon, which sits above the rectum. The only time your rectum fills with stool is when the sigmoid colon fills up and needs to release it. Through a combination of anatomical structure, neural switches and reflex triggers it is impossible for stool to remain in your rectum. Often there is residue, for sure. But know that your rectum, the place that will lovingly hold and pet the penis when you’re backdooring, is a pipeline, not a storage device. It is the Panama Canal between the sigmoid colon and your sphincter. Ships can only pass through; they cannot anchor.
Although the anal canal and rectum are not storage devices for feces, it’s not exactly like you can eat off your anus like it were Aunt Edna’s kitchen floor. Like a good courtroom lawyer, you will always find evidence that a grime was committed. And if you do some finger excavating to root out the brown evil you will note that while there is no fudge, there might be sludge and even the occasional brown booger. How can you get yourself clean? Like most problems, the best way to solve this one is to avoid it in the first place. And the only way to do that is to…
Improve Your Diet.
Do your panties look like Jackson Pollock aimed his ass at the canvas and yelled, “FIRE!”? Does your rectum look like it hosted a NASCAR event? If you do a little finger mopping up there and come out with more than just a faint residue (there will always be a little) you can bet the culprit is your diet. Specifically, you are not eating enough fiber or drinking enough water. Fiber is responsible for:
- Keeping your shit together. Soluble fiber (like bananas) dissolves in water but isn’t digested, so it absorbs excess liquid in the colon, forms a thick gel and adds lots of bulk to your feces as it parades up Intestinal Hill and down to Rectum Road. Like most parades, it picks up hitchhiking stragglers. It also softens and pushes through impacted fecal matter. The fiber, I mean, not the parades. Though you could make a case for that, too.
- Shaping your shit. Ever see those old videos of Tokyo transit police pushing passengers in with those sort of giant Schwab sticks so they can squeeze more people into the train? That’s what insoluble fiber (like broccoli) does. Since it won’t dissolve in water and can’t be absorbed by the body, it passes through your stomach essentially intact, compacting brown “passengers” into the intestinal train and giving them the best shape to go through the colon and out your anus without breaking off and leaving unwanted specimens.
Fiber Is Your Ticket To Cleanliness.
By “bulking up” waste matter and shaping it for easier transit, fiber ensures that feces leave the rectum and anal canal virtually intact, leaving you with just a smidge of sludge, a slight residue that’s easy to clean with just a little finger mopping.
Want to know how to have good anal sex? Eating enough fiber is the the only way to make sure that you can have anal sex without stains or odors. Fiber improves the passage of feces through your colon so that it comes out soft but firm, sweeping up stragglers and leaving no remnants in the rectum as it exits your anus. Fiber is not going to make the executives at Brita raise a glass of your butt spit and say, “Now THAT’S filtered water!” But it will ensure that you’ll never have an ugly “shit bomb” episode that scars you—and your lacy white curtains—for life.
Stay tuned for the next post in which I introduce a device to help get yourself clean.