Is he lying when he says your body turns him on?
If you’re like most body-conscious women, you probably don’t believe your partner when he says you have a beautiful body. You convict him of sexual perjury—lying to get laid.
You won’t get an argument from me—men lie for sex. We practically carry business cards that say “Professional Liar.” But once again, there’s a flaw in your logic. Yes, men will say anything to get laid. To a woman he finds attractive.
Men don’t lie to women they find unattractive.
See, you have to understand something about men. We give our penises nicknames so we can be on a first-name basis with the person making all of our decisions. And while we lie to do Mr. Happy’s bidding, Mr. Happy himself is incapable of lying.
Afraid Of Being Naked In Front Of Him?
It’s really difficult for a man to get an erection for a woman he’s not attracted to. If he’s trying to get you in bed, it’s because your body turns him on. Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis prove my point. They don’t work unless a man is turned on. Viagra and its cousins affect the plumbing, not the desire.
They can open up the valves to let more blood into the penis, but they cannot make a man want you. You may be resentful at times of the penis’s persistence or its alarming lack of conscience, but never, ever doubt its sincerity.
The belief that your guy wants “it” and not you understandably makes you upset. But that’s only because you think men subscribe to a three-word sexual philosophy: Anything That Moves. It hurts him to be accused of wanting to get off without wanting you. It’s true that he wants “it.” It’s also true that he wants “it” to be you.
How to feel good about your body in bed
The media doesn’t portray normal-weight or overweight women very often. No matter where you look, there you aren’t. So when your guy tells you how beautiful you look, how much you turn him on, you think he’s lying to spare your feelings. And that’s fueling your poor body image.
After all, how can he look up from a magazine with a picture of the latest supermodel and honestly say he finds you beautiful?
The same way you can look up from the cover of a romance novel and say it to him.
See, there’s a design flaw in your conviction. That model on the cover of a magazine may inspire lust, but it’s a one-dimensional lust. It’s a fake image, not a real woman. And because it’s an image, it only operates on the visual level. And that may be leaving you too self conscious to be intimate.
Now, I don’t want to diminish how important the visual is to guys (where would the porn industry be without it?), but the formula to desire is a far more complex equation. The way you smell, the way you feel, how you taste, the timbre of your voice—all of your physical senses fuel lust and desire in men, not just how you look.
And it doesn’t stop there. For desire to fully flower, it requires chemistry, trust, personality, compatibility, passion, mutual exploration, shared experiences, and a million other subtle factors.
So, yes, he digs that beautiful model with the teeny-weenie bikini on the cover of Sports Illustrated. And yes, he probably fantasizes about her. But in the end, she’s an image firing on one of his senses. You fire on all five.
That image has no emotional, psychological, or physical connection to him. You do. That image has not shared any meaningful experiences with him. You have.
And that’s why he can look up from the magazine and say, “I think you’re beautiful,” and mean it. Do not confuse the height of the flame with the depth of the heat.
In the next post, we’ll look at the one thing you can do to help (that you’re probably not). In the meantime, these body language cues are another giveaway he’s into you.
If you missed the last post, read it here.