Concentrate on the pleasures of being in complete control. That means enjoying power and the status accrued to it. You create the scenario in any way you want. Why? Because you said so, that’s why! You’re the scriptwriter, director and producer in charge of your submissive’s fate.
Taking charge takes some work, though. You have to have the dual ability to create your own fantasy while taking into account your partner’s wishes. You have to be in command of the action but in-tune with your partner. Otherwise, you won’t sense when you’ve gone too far.
You have to be in command of the action but in-tune with your partner. Otherwise, you won’t sense when you’ve gone too far.
Trust isn’t free; it’s earned by respecting limits.
Dominating your partner doesn’t mean bending them to your will. It means bending them to their will–giving them what they’ve allowed you to give. Dishing out punishment to somebody who didn’t ask for it is cruel. Dishing it out to somebody who did is fun.
Dishing out punishment to somebody who didn’t ask for it is cruel. Dishing it out to somebody who did is fun.
In that sense, the dominant is guided by the submissive. Pleasing your partner is omni-directional in sexual power playing. The submissive takes pleasure from gratifying the needs of the dominant and the dominant returns the favor.
Women who read this blog post also read Domination Basics.
Even in sensation-heavy scenarios like restraint or playful pain, the creamy center is always in the psychological arena. It doesn’t matter if you’re tying the knots in the right way; what matters is who you are as you’re tying them and what feelings come up as you experience total control over somebody.
The same dynamic applies to any scene where you become the dominatrix. It doesn’t matter what you boss him into. Being pushy isn’t the point. Anybody can say, “Take your shirt off slowly… no, slower…”
The delight isn’t in the orders you give him but in watching him obey your every command. Don’t disregard domination basics and be diverted by the idea that you’re not bossing him around in the right way or spanking him in the right spot–those are skills you can get better at.
Concentrate on the interaction, for it is there that you’ll find the lickable, sensual intensity that is the promise of domination and submission sex.
In the next post, you’ll learn the pleasure of complete surrender (even if you’ve never done it before). In the meantime, learn how to take charge of your man in the bedroom (he may really want you to!).