So far, we’ve discovered dozens of ways to fire up the imagination, but we’ve limited them to your own mind. It’s time to share them with your partner. This can be a little awkward for everybody concerned.
The easiest way to start a conversation is to buy a book like Lust: Erotic Fantasies for Women, press it into your
partner’s hand and say, “Why don’t you take a look at the passages I’ve underlined and let’s talk about it at dinner.”
If you don’t have that sort of personality you can always tuck the book into your partner’s briefcase or surreptitiously leave it in his car with a note.
The advantage of “placing” the book for discovery is that you don’t have to be in charge of bringing up the subject and bringing it to a head, as it were.
Still, to avoid any awkwardness about what should be done next, you should know that the best way to share a fantasy with your partner is to ….
Read To Each Other.
Nothing will jump-start your sexual feelings more than hearing the timbre in your partner’s voice when he reads some of your favorite passages in the erotica books listed below. It can bring sex alive in ways you’ve never experienced.
Conversely, reading to him may do it even more for you, especially if you’re not used to “talking dirty.” Take turns reading and make sure you’re touching each other when you do–you’ll feel more sexually and emotionally connected.
As you read the books, be aware of favorite passages–yours and his. They are the single-engine planes that help you take off into parts unknown. It doesn’t take long to uncover ‘trigger themes’ –story lines, actions, characters and activities that stirs up ravenous sexual hunger.
Ask him to kiss and caress you while you read your favorite passage out loud. Be explicit as to how and where you want to be touched. This is about pleasure–your pleasure–and the only way to get it is to ask for it.
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Be sure to return the favor–caress him sensually as he reads his favorite passages, and if he doesn’t tell you how or where he wants to be touched, ask him. You can’t be competent without communication.
And remember, we’re always seeking competency because it’s the only thing that earns you confidence, which in turn, raises your libido and the satisfaction you will get from sex.
For a more sophisticated–and fun–variation of reading to each other, put down the book in mid-story, and continue the tale as if you were both the central characters in it. Make it up as you go along and take note of when your partner gets particularly worked up. This is part of your competency training–understanding what turns him on.
The Erotic Telephone Game.
As a child, you probably remember playing “the telephone game,” where you whisper a short sentence into someone’s ear and they would in turn whisper it to the person sitting next to them. By the time the message got through a dozen kids the story got so twisted around everybody laughed at the last telling.
Well, in this game, there are only two players and nobody laughs at the end because they’re too busy getting busy.
Here’s how it works: Tell your partner a story. Start with “Once upon a time” then follow it up with a sentence or two from one of your fantasies (or erotica stories). Then your partner adds the next sentence with something that turns him on.
Back and forth you go, the story veering from your fantasy to his until it blends into one superhighway going in the same direction–south of the border.
Creating Three-Dimensional Fantasies.
Once you get comfortable with solo and spoken-word fantasies the next step is to act them out, to make them as three-dimensional as possible. The easiest way to start is with role-play.
Role-playing means inhabiting the characters and situations in your imagination. It puts the ‘lay’ in play. It eases you into spontaneity and playfulness with a great expansion of your sexual horizons. The emphasis is on leaving who you are to become someone you’re not.
Finally, taking on a new character might just give you the confidence to try things you may have always shied away from. Thinking and acting differently usually produces different results in bed.
The first step in role-play isn’t to pick the role you want to play; it’s to pick the experience you want to have. Do you want to be cherished and adored or disrespected and debilitated? Does innocence part your waters or does evil do the job? Do you want to feel aggression or serve it up? Do you want to hurt or do the hurting? Do you want power coursing through your veins? Are you turned on by domination sex or submission sex?
Nearly any character you assume will give you the chops to experience all that and more. The next step is to figure out what characters or scenes fascinate you.
It can be anyone–real or imagined, from the past, present, or future. They can share your values or flout them at every turn. They can make you feel good or bad, kind or mean, intelligent or stupid. It’s your fantasy, take control of it.
In the next post, learn how to handle a fantasy that goes beyond the boundaries. In the meantime, get your creative juices flowing with 30 role playing ideas.
If you missed the last post, check it out here.