Now that you have a little butt background, you’re preparing for anal sex and almost ready to test-drive The Sexhalation Method. But first, let’s talk a little about the four pillars that make it work:
- Systematic Desensitization.
Tension equals pain. Relaxation provides pleasure. Doing Kegels will build the foundation of the relaxation response—a supple, toned external sphincter that obeys on command. While that helps the entire pubogenital area, we have to pay special attention to your internal sphincter. We must train it to perceive the insertion of a finger, toy or penis as a sign of desirability not danger. The Sexhalation Method will do this through a process called systematic desensitization, a scientifically proven way to decrease tension and increase relaxation. Systematic desensitization is a way of gradually conditioning your body to accept certain sensations without experiencing pain. Notice the emphasis on the word gradual. For example, if you want to use your finger to explore yourself, systematic desensitization argues that you wouldn’t pitch your finger through your sphincter like a toilet plunge (ouch!). Instead, you insert it an eighth of an inch, wait until all sensations disappear, go in another eighth of an inch, wait, then go another eighth of an inch until before you know it you’ve inserted half of the Eiffel Tower in your rectum without a single painful moment!
- Pattern Breathing.
The second pillar of The Sexhalation Method is rhythmic breathing. Breath isn’t just the cornerstone of relaxation, but the foundation of life. It’s the first thing you do when you’re born and the last thing you do when you die. When you’re stressed (like, oh, I don’t know, expecting excruciating pain during anal intercourse) you will experience restricted and shallow breathing. The chest barely rises during inhalation, doesn’t extend into the abdomen, and the exhalation is rarely complete. Shallow, fast breathing is a sign of muscle tension. It operates on a dual feedback loop: Tension causes shallow breathing, which causes more tension, which causes more shallow breathing.
Deep, slow breathing, on the other hand, is a sign of relaxation. It too operates on a feedback loop: Relaxation causes deep, slow breaths which causes more relaxation which causes more deep, slow breaths. Think about it: What is your breath like when you’re anxious or fearful? Shallow and fast. What is your breath like when you first wake up? Deep and slow.
Notice your breathing when you’re in a stressful situation and you’ll come to understand something yoga masters have known for centuries:
Constricted breathing causes muscle tension.
Notice your breathing when you’re relaxed and you’ll come to understand the flip side of this observation:
Expanded breathing causes muscle relaxation.
The Sexhalation Method uses this concept of constriction/expansion to help you relax both sphincters. Pattern breathing won’t just help with relaxing your sphincter muscles, it will help you release tension in every area of your life, whether it’s waiting to get a flu shot or standing in line at the post office. Hey, come to think of it, both of those things resemble backdooring—they force you to deal with pricks!
- Progressive Muscle Relaxation.
The third pillar in The Sexhalation Method is the conscious and deliberate tightening and releasing of the sphincter muscles. As stated before, the best way to fully relax any muscle is to first tighten it as hard as you can before releasing it slowly. It’s the law of opposites, like light and dark. You cannot fully know darkness until the sun hits your face and vice versa. Progressive muscle relaxation operates on the same basis. You can get muscles to relax more by first increasing the tension. When you release the tension there’s a more dramatic experience of relaxation.
- Sexual Imagery
The fourth pillar of The Sexhalation Method is erotic thought. The point to backdooring isn’t to fill your orifice. It’s to experience the presence of your man inside a part of the body you’re not used to. It’s to give yourself to another man, to surrender to the strength and hardness of his masculinity, to capitulate to the cock and it’s mastery over you. This is an exciting thing that you should keep in mind while you do The Sexhalation Method. Desire is both the fuel and the point. Let it drive the proceedings. You want this. You’re not practicing to get a flu shot—you’re practicing to get a shot at sexual ecstasy. There’s a big difference between relaxing for something painful and relaxing for something pleasurable.
Follow these four pillars of The Sexhalation Method to learn how to have good anal sex. In the next post we’ll be talking about getting clean.