Dominant, Submissive, or Somewhere In Between?

BDSMSit down with your partner and choose the appropriate temperature for each power play
suggestion below. It might help if you print these out first, or just take notes to compare with your partner.  Make sure you both do this at opposite ends of the house—don’t try to influence each other.
At least not yet.

And don’t worry about overlapping, contradictory preferences or trying to identify yourself either as a submissive or dominant.  You can, for example, prefer to be submissive during a kiss and dominant during intercourse.

 

Domination and Submission

 

Submission and domination can be traded and played with like cards.

We’re looking for opportunities, not labels.

 

Submissive Power Preferences

 I prefer to receive rather than give.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like being in the bottom during romantic activity like kissing or intercourse.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like being told what to do in bed.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like surrendering control.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like feeling protected by my partner.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like it when my partner takes the lead and shows a bit of aggression.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like it when my partner is powerful and commanding in bed.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like obeying my partner’s sexual instructions.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like intercourse a little bit on the rough side.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like it when my partner comes close to verbally insulting me in bed.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like feeling possessed by my partner. 

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like it when my partner partially or fully immobilizes me with his hands and feet.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like it when my partner pinches, squeezes, holds or otherwise touches me in a forceful way.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like to be the recipient of ‘angry’ sex.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like it when my partner comes close to hurting me during sex.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like it when my partner acts as if he’s punishing me with sex.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

Dominant Power Preferences

I prefer to give than receive.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like being on top during romantic activity.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like telling my partner what to do in bed.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like exerting control.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like feeling like my partner’s protector.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like taking the lead and showing a bit of aggression.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like being powerful and commanding in bed.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like seeing my partner obey my sexual instructions.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like sex a bit on the rough side.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like coming close to verbally insulting my partner in bed.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like the feeling of possessing my partner. 

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like to partially or fully immobilize my partner with my hands and feet.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like to pinch, squeeze, hold or otherwise touch my partner in a forceful way.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like doling out ‘angry’ sex.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like to come close to hurting my partner during sex.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

I like to ‘punish’ my partner with sex.

Cold                      Cool                Lukewarm    Warm                        HOT

Free Your Mind, Your Crotch Will Follow.

Done?  Great!  Now, take each other’s lists and compare them.  But before you do, brace yourself.  You may be surprised at what your partner has circled.

Sometimes the shyest guys have a secret wish for domination sex and sometimes the most dominating personalities yearn to be taught a few lessons.

But enough about him.  The point of this exercise is to get a clear picture of what turns you on so you can share it with your partner.  Let this be the start of a conversation that allows you to have fun, push boundaries and explore some areas of your own psychology.

The first step is identifying what you have in common and taking the next step forward.  For example, if you circled HOT under “I like to partially or fully immobilize my partner with my hands and feet” and he matched you, then your next question to each other is, “How can we take this to the next level?”

The answer is anything from silk scarves to ropes to manacles or anything that pops into your head.  Don’t get stuck on the “right” answer–there is none.  The only ‘right’ answer is the one that you feel comfortable with.

Sit down together and create sexual scenarios that give you the submission and domination imbalance you crave. Once you decide to take it to the next level your fantasies will take over and you’ll begin to answer for yourself the question of how to go about it.  If you’re really stuck try reading Fifty Shades Of Grey or the Club Shadowlands series.

For now, know that how, what, when, or where take a back seat to WHY.  The important thing is discovering why you want to do this, not in how it gets accomplished.  The why is because it turns you on.  There’s no better why in the world.

 

Women who liked this article also enjoyed our guide to domination and submission.

 

In the next post, we’ll get into what it means to be dominant, and why it’s not about inflicting pain.  In the meantime, learn about the sexual ambiguity of dominance and submission.

If you missed the last post, check it out here.

By | 2017-03-14T21:53:49+00:00 March 26th, 2017|Sex Advice for Men, Sex Advice For Women|0 Comments

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