Relaxing your sphincter during anal sex will go a long way to eliminating pain, but it only gets you so far into the Promised Land. There are two other points of pain to watch out for when preparing for anal sex. In order to prevent them from doing the devil’s work you have to understand a bit of butt anatomy. Let’s start with something that might surprise you.
You Have Two Sphincters.
You may only have one anus but two connecting sphincters surround it. They are distinct but overlapping bands of muscle tissue. And while they serve the exact same function (regulating grand openings and final close-outs) they go about it in different ways. You are most familiar with the external sphincter because you can order it to tighten and release. Here, try it. Squinch your starfish by using the muscles to stop yourself from peeing. Got it? Tighten, release, tighten, release. Now, this time with feeling! Tighten, release. Now do five fast tightens. Get it? You can boss that part of your butt around. Feel like taking a crap but there’s no bathroom around? No problem. You can will your external sphincter not to open. At least for a while.
But the internal sphincter? You can’t tell it to do shit. And I mean that in every sense of the word. You are not its boss. Like your blood pressure and heartbeat, you cannot directly control it.
Do this: Put your hands in front of you as if you’re praying. Now intertwine your fingers down to the webbing and press your palms together as tight as you can. Now keep everything connected and completely relax both hands. Notice the small opening between the side of your thumb and your index finger? This is the opening to your anus. If somebody tried to poke their finger through that opening it would feel snug but it’d go in pretty easy.
Now tighten both hands as hard as you can. The left hand is the internal sphincter you cannot directly control. The right hand is the external sphincter you can. Keeping the left hand tight as a drum, completely relax your right hand. Your right hand (external sphincter) is relaxed so a slight opening was created. But your left hand (internal sphincter) is so tight that it won’t let a poking finger through very easily.
Welcome to backdooring’s first dilemma: The left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing. Or more accurately, the left hand doesn’t care what the right hand is doing. The internal and external sphincter can and often do work independently of each other. In order to have anal sex without pain both sphincters have to get on the same page. In later posts, you’re going to learn how to do that, but first, let’s talk about another pain in the ass. Did you know that…
You Own A Sling?
It’s way down deep in your dungeon where it belongs. The puborectal sling is a strong ring of supportive muscle that creates a curve in the rectum. The sling pulls the lower end of the rectum toward your belly button before it straightens out to eventually become the anal canal, which is the passageway from your sphincter to the rectum.
This is important to know because the S curve caused by the sling is responsible for pain point #2. The more the sling pulls the lower rectum toward the navel, the more pronounced your S curve will be. Why would that create pain? Because the S curve guarantees that your partner’s penis will ram the rectal wall at up to ninety degrees and make you think you’re getting impaled by a fence post. Raise your left hand, palm down. Now poke the palm with your right index finger. This is the penis hitting the rectal wall caused by the S curve. Now move your palm up to ninety degrees (as if you were shaking somebody’s hand) and poke it with your index finger the way you did before. You can’t. Your finger glides up your palm. That’s what anal sex will feel like if you straighten out your S curve.
Now, there is a third point of pain. It’s located across the entire puborectal region, and it’s caused by a simple law of nature.
Your Body Automatically Contracts When You Insert Something Into It.
The puborectal region is not used to being penetrated. It will interpret the penetrating object as an invading army that must be repelled. Never mind the sphincter and the sling (sounds like a new Disney fairy tale, doesn’t it? “The Sphincter & The Sling”). Wait. Where was I? Oh, yes, all the muscles, fibers and tissues in the area will contract when you insert a foreign object and make it exceedingly difficult to receive anal sex. These contractions are simply the body trying to protect itself.
In my next post I’ll go into more detail about The Sexhalation Method. You won’t want to miss it!