Sex and Self-Consciousness: How’d We Get Here?

too self conscious to have sexOh my god, he’s touching it.

Sound familiar? Just about every body-conscious womansays something like that to herself at some point during sex. The “it,” of course, is the part of your body you don’t like.

Sometimes this is just a passing thought, but sometimes that thought gets stuck, sets up camp, and gives birth to hundreds of others like it.

Is Your Body Image Getting in The Way of Sex?

You start thinking things like “I’m too fat for sex,” even though you’re objectively average-sized. You tell friends you’re not having sex till you’re a size six.

You put conditions on sex because you’re self-conscious in bed.

You wear cover-up clothing. You only have sex with the lights out. You feel awkward in bed so you only get in positions that prevent your partner from looking at or touching certain parts of your body. Your partner starts getting a little tired of “Conditional Sex” and now you start having “Duty Sex” to avoid losing him or getting into terrible arguments.

What you used to enjoy you now endure. Pretty soon your desire for any sex, conditional or not, goes away. Or your libido stays high but self-judgment paralyzes your enjoyment of making love.

Studies in academic periodicals and popular surveys show that this is an alarming trend—millions of women are losing their libido or putting off sex, even when they’re in the mood—because they feel like they’re too fat. Notice that last part—it’s not because they are fat, but because they think they are.

The problem is so bad that a study in the Journal of Sex Research concluded that how you feel about your body has more of an influence on sexual functioning than even menopause!

Bedroom body shame is ruining sex for a growing number of women, from the petite to the plus size. They are seeing their sex lives fall off the cliff, taking their relationships along with them.

In the next post, we’ll look more closely at body dissatisfaction: you might be surprised who experiences it.  In the meantime, do you know where your body image issues come from? Once you know that, you can begin to fix it.

By | 2017-02-14T10:33:22+00:00 February 8th, 2017|Sex Advice For Women|0 Comments

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