I see a bright, sexy future for you. Most women with low libido don’t suffer from physical conditions that prevent them from improving their sex lives. That means you’re only a few reframes away from a love life that can make the air vibrate with passion. That’s the good news. The bad news is that you’ve been so conditioned to expect instant results (“Lose ten pounds by the end of the week!”) that you might get discouraged by the pace of your progress. Don’t be.
You can’t undo in a couple of weeks what took years to build. If I had an instant teleportation machine that would deposit you at the end of your journey I’d give it to you, but I don’t, so we’re going
to have to rely on taking a trip the old-fashioned way—by putting one foot in front of the other.
Obey Your Body.
Women with low libido have a hard time staying present during love-making and focusing on the pleasures of their body. It’s important for you to become more sensitive about what your body needs, provide it and enjoy it. A couple of important things to keep in mind:
- Cultivating sensuality outside the bedroom is an important sex drive solution for women because it trains your body to expect, appreciate and flourish from stimulating its senses. It will help you pay more attention to what you’re feeling than what you’re thinking—a crucial aspect to enjoying intimacy.
- Cultivating sensuality means training yourself to ask three questions no matter where you are or what you’re doing: How can I get more physical pleasure out of what I’m doing? How can I make my body feel better? How can I enhance the physical sensations I’m experiencing?
- Low desire women experience a greater disconnect between the physical signs of arousal (rapid heartbeat, muscle tension, etc.) and a subjective experience of it (“I’m turned on”). Forge a stronger connection by “charting your erotic cartography” and experimenting with different aspects of self-pleasuring.
If you suffer from a bad body image, your loss of libido could be a subconscious coping strategy your mind uses to protect you from experiencing shame in the bedroom. Settle the conflict between your conscious desire (“I want to be more sexual”) with your subconscious unwillingness (“But he’ll leave me if he sees my thighs or my belly”) by bringing it to awareness and understanding that sex will not destroy your relationship; it will make it whole.
Smoking and alcohol are libidinal poisons. If you’re serious about re-engaging your sex life you must quit or cut back drastically.
Desire is a decision. You can’t decide to be aroused, but you can decide to do things that lead to arousal. First, don’t wait for the mood to strike, strike into the mood—by creating an environment for arousal to flourish. That means identifying your erotic cues (the smell of an after-shave, a husky voice) and consciously responding to them. Don’t wait to be flooded with feelings. Act on subtle effects and understated feelings. Have ‘flicker stage’ sex and occasionally initiate even when you don’t feel like having sex. Ask yourself the three questions you learned in cultivating sensuality: “How can I get more physical pleasure out of what I’m doing?” “How can I make my body feel better?” “How can I enhance the physical sensations I’m experiencing?”
Sex Drive Solution For Women
Exercise is the single best female libido booster. It increases blood flow which improves sensation, lubrication, arousal and orgasm intensity. Experiment with the 20/70 workout. Exercise with your partner if possible—his sweat contains androstenedione, a compound lab researchers discovered can elevate women’s hormones, create physiological arousal, and change emotional mood.
Develop erotic cues. Porn is a proven way of elevating libidos and activating women’s arousal mechanisms, but it’s highly individual. Find out what turns you on and buy, rent, or borrow the films that do it for you. Do the same with erotic literature and photographic books. Own your cues.
If you liked this article, you’ll love our guide, Libido Increase For Women.
Communicate what you like to your partner so that you look forward to sex. Blaming him for not delivering what you never requested will make it easier for you to avoid intimacy or gradually lose your libido.
Good To The Last Thought.
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, “Honey, can you hear me?”
There was no response.
He moved a little closer and said again, “Honey, can you hear me?”
Still, no response.
Finally, he moved right behind her and said, “Honey, can you hear me?”
She replied, “For the third time, Yes!”
I know I’m saying this for the third time, but I want to make sure that you can hear me: Sex is not the reward for losing weight or doing chores. It’s the reward for being human. The moment you decide that weight is more important than wholeness you will have forsaken yourself. You are worth more. Do not forsake yourself. Can you hear me?